she's basically destroyed all of the faith i had that skinny blond girls could be a functioning part of society.
I yelled "Coming in hot." before penetrating. Im pretty sure she loved it.
E drugging s springing. Ease dnt Kate. To t e. ess e I meant thou.
this dude just showed up to the party with a falcon
Im about to get a baby alligator stoned, what are you doing with your life?
You don't realize it's a small world until your ex girlfriend's dad unintentionally messages you on grindr..what.the.fuck.
The wizard has you scheduled for a 6am sex breakfast
I'm so there
Do you think kicking my coke habit is a good personal goal to put down on the evaluation form?
If there's one thing I learned yesterday, it's that if I really wanted to I could be mayor of Toronto.
I just connected with one of your drug dealers on LinkedIn.
Why the fuck is there a picture of us jumping a girl that's wearing my chicken mask?
The Dick I got last night was so phenomenal that I had to take a fucking personal day today.
I'm hungover and eating lunch at an elementary school. The children are barking. Litrealy barking, like dogs.
All right well I’m making her sugar cookies and sleeping with her husband tonight. Just another manic Monday
Oh I had the weirdest dream in which I was an archeologist stealing a golden dildo from a snobby British person
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