Haha na a cat just ran under your car. Howd that happen?
Probably a woman cat. Doesnt think things through
we banged on the home plate. i wasnt even aware of the significance of where we were until afterwards hahaha
I woke up with a solved rubics cube in my purse
yo your bro wants to know what time he got home and were you hosing him off
And then I asked the bartender for my third shot and he told me he had to cut me off at two because this was in fact a family fun center
High enough to ask the woman at best buy if she ever feels like she's swimming. and telling the man outside that he smells like happy juice.
Telling someone to make good decisions on a Thursday is like telling Santa to be Jewish.
Drunk life lesson just learned the hard way: do not try to play hump the great dane. He may take you up on it.
Is there a special protocol when the stripper has a Boba Fett tattoo?
Have you ever stopped and thought "I do NOT want to be inside of this person right now. Or ever." Because you should.
Yeah. Moral of the story: Don't mace yourself. It sucks dick.
So as a result of a tragic manscaping accident I've had to shave all the hair off of my legs. The result is... not great
nm just hungover. watching movies and roasting marshmallows in bed, over a candle to avoid life
He's my ex's boss. I'm not above sleeping with him for that fact alone.
Our relationship is perfect
90% threatening to punch him in the dick 10% actual dickpunching
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