In hindsight, i should have predicted that a drink called the 'rocky mountain bear fucker' would not end in a pleasant experience
idk if its the weather or the "im still drunk" or the morning sex i just had with my roommates gf but that was def the most enjoyable walk in the rain ever
Your the only friend that would realize I'm gonna get drunk and send coke to me at a bar before I made drunken phone calls for it. You sir complete me.....
I think I'm the only sober person in the whole bar. If you count drinking less than 10 tequilas sober.
How many band members does it take to become The Band Slut? I think I might be dangerously close
Do they make liter beers?
They make 40s
Do they make 2 liter beers
They make 2 40s
God if that man would just have sex with me every time I got mad life would be so much easier...
I heard from the downstairs bathroom "WHY CAN'T I WIPE MY ASS IN PEACE!" and a pisscrate of glass bottles breaking
Alright if I email the police department asking for my mug shot do you think they will email it to me
why isn't there a kind of gay where i let guys give me head but they don't expect me to give it back? i could be that kind of gay
He was that good?
Why make bad decisions when I can watch you?
He screamed like a woman when he came then proceeded to sing "you [we] are the champion" by Queen. I think I'm in love.
Medicine hack, old crowe and ramen flavor packets isnt a cure for the cold.
I think the night went to shit after he started sweating and crying about a taco he dropped on the ground 3 years ago. No more blind dates
You are, as of last night, the self declared king of pooping. Long may you reign.
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