I caved and texted him. But it's strictly drug dealing business so it doesn't count.
She was narrarating everything she did.. like while making toast.
So I had to explain to her that pussy doesn't mean a cat
how the hell did u puke all over the magazines... do u still want me to keep them
dudes here are drinking wine, and not in the forgivable 'just doing this to get laid' way
i had to get the starbucks manager to open the bathroom door for me...you passed out on the floor, the things i do for you
I don't think I'd trust a marching band with trampolines to not cause serious damage to themselves/ property.
Naked Twister starts at high noon
We had sex in the bathroom. Good sex. Toilet breaking sex.
Totally forgot Mike has only one ball. Is it sad I'm excited to see it? Or shall I say the lack of it?
What I do when I'm blackout drunk is none of my business.
Well we're either getting a bunny or I'm getting you pregnant in about 12 days.
I'm gonna do it. I'm gonna write gay mortal kombat fanfic. May the gods be praised for whisky
Just because you can't have him, doesn't mean you can have his brother.
What about the best friend?
You ever have a fart follow you around?
Randomize
