hey babe thanks for tonight, it was fun.
to be honest, i wanna fuck your friend.
i think the next time he gets me off i'm going to scream bangarang
ru fi oooo
Just had to return the shit I stole from the dining hall, with everyone watching...apparently there ARE consequences for being drunk, coked up and belligerent.
i can recognize that vagina from a mile away
And dont forget my 23rd birthday where with no underwear i crawled through the cage of the police car. Dont get drunk be fore you get drunk.
by 11 am we'd already been drunk twice. how much lower can you go?
When a guy wants to eat something off you and then comes back with microwaved strudel and custard, back the fuck out. I have apple-chunk burns on my tits.
Why is there ANOTHER stolen fire extinguisher in my room? You know that's a felony right...
Is it bad juju to glue mini budda to the bottom of a shot glass
He shattered his pelvis base jumping so his dicks out of commission for 4 months. Your up, second string.
& I just realized there is no vomit smiley. There needs to be a vomit smiley
Being in the club with your moms drunk friends > having a healthy relationship with your mom
He literally had a Trump sign in his front yard. I just can't now.
Sorry for throwing up in your humidifier last night, I thought it was some sort of electrical garbage can
My son's girlfriend just thanked me for having good penis genes.
Randomize
