we're taking shots every time my dog licks his penis. we're on number 8 now.
you should have been aborted.
i really wish facebook had an app for when you are looking at a chick's photo album, you could just skip to the ones where she and/or her friends are dressed like skanks
If someone cleans their bathroom and shaves their crotch for you you kinda have to admit the relationship to facebook
Can we please stop calling your vagina the cave of wonders?
Yes theres a double standard. Get over it. Fuck the critics and go be the slut you were born to be
You left your underwear here. I'm hanging it on my door
We fucked to showtunes. Never going out with a theatre major ever again.
He just walked up to me in the kitchen, pulled out his penis and stuck it in my sweatpants pocket.
It was probably cold. Sweatpants pockets are notoriously warm.
I feel like the fact that I slept with someone who dresses up like Batman a few times will never be lived down.
He convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. He slurred every word. I think I found my prince charming.
So I don't know, I'm not a doctor, but I might be juggling dates with 3 different guys...
It's the eve of Christ's birthday and I'm sending pictures of my tits
My desire to pee is a lot higher than my need to be buzzed right now.
Apparently i tried to feed this guy's piranhas my whole left arm.. according to him, i was "showing them whos boss, bc if they try to eat my arm, im guna punch their face"
i just remembered i drunk watched the brave little toaster last night
Randomize
