I woke up and my panties were thumbtacked to his wall. Out of my reach.
He went so fast i didnt even have time to pretend like i was about to have a fake orgasim
would you kill someone to have someone deliver pancakes to you when you were high?
got arrested for "breaking and entering" last night when i supposedly went into the wrong house made a sandwich and tried jerking off to porn on the tv...the cops told me they came in while my dick was out...oh and i missed work this morning and got fired
I have now hooked up with 8 of the Apostles. I have no idea where I'm going to find a guy named Bartholomew.
Its 6 am and me and the girl in the next apartment have been taking turns puking and yelling "never agaaaain" thru the walls.
When did it seem like a good idea to do pull ups off the balcony? After beer 5 or shot 7?
You were carrying around a milk crate, randomly putting it down calling out 'praise be to the milk gods' and making people pray to it.
Like do you hear me I PUKED IN MY OWN HANDS AND HE STILL SAID I WAS GORGEOUS
I tried to lock you in the bathroom stall because you were too drunk. But you escaped from underneath, I gave up
I am tired of banking on my penis size to overcome my lack of game.
Sexy intern needs to have caveman sex with me
he was Irish, I had to have sex with him.
it was awkward when he was taking off my clothes and i had to help him undo my fanny pack
What were you even doing out there at 2 a.m.?
Look, i had a gallon of lemonade, a pack of smokes and a Darth Vader voice changer. What did you EXPECT me to do?
Randomize
