dude i just figured out that the tostitos sign is two people eating chips and salsa. being high totally pays off sometimes
I'm thinking I had intended to send you pics cuz I woke up naked
yeah, we figured out that passing a joint between cars was a pretty bad idea
We found you on the floor drooling you kept saying over and over how you were double jointed.
I just sold some kid a bong I made out of a vuvuzela for $50. I think I found my career path.
I made a Russian puke. I outdrank a Russian. I am unstoppable.
Haha he was not a poor little guy. If he'd talked to me or something I might feel bad. But since I saw him groping other girls as well as myself there's no sympathy coming from me
He's just picking out the right girl. I do the same thing with fruit. Grope them, squeeze them, smell them. I have to know I'm getting quality fruit.
Dude, all I know is that I came out of this thing wearing a snorkel mask and completely covered in glitter and soap.
Not saying puking on the side of a cab was how I imagined freshman year of med school but...
I'm sorry I never said I wasn't coming home last night. To my defense I did type and send a text, only I was too drunk to realize I sent it to the guy I was with instead of you.
LOOK AT MY ASS AND LEGS IN THIS SKIRT. I KNOW ALL THE BEST HIDING SPOTS IN THIS BUILDING. AND I OFFER TEQUILA.
I want to eat a stick of butter
Did your pain meds kick in?
It tastes nice
I'm jealous, curious, and aroused. All at the same time.
My job here is done.
She made me pour olive oil on her.
All that stuff they told us in middle school about drugs being easy to find was a bullshit lie.
Randomize
