I wish I had more reasons to start sentences with the phrase, "Here's the thing you've got to remember about cougars ...
My mom just walked in on me and my girlfriend about to have sex. All she said was "You're lookin like a fool with your pants on the ground.."
I woke up at 2 pm to my roommate checking my pulse.
You said you couldnt get the condom on but "its the thought that counts"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Bachelor party turned 19 hour search and rescue in the mountains. nbd
we should probably just go check in at the police station right now
My neighbor caught me peeing on his rose bushes at 2 in the morning while wearing my Santa hat. My sex appeal has never been higher.
Did you guys seriously let me trade my id for a kebab last night??
A horseman, i repeat, a man on a horse downtown just told me i was gorgeous and my friends were not. Not drunk enough.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I couldn't find a lighter, so I smoked a bowl with a birthday candle.
What was my myspace song when I went away to rehab?
I got really adventurous too. Like. Balls in the mouth adventurous.
The zoom feature on snap chat videos is the worst thing to ever happen to sexting
Those boxers don't belong to me anymore. They belong to the desert surrounding Phoenix.
Seeing someone hit Themselves in the balls with someone else's hand is amazing. I love being the sober one
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