i hope my daughter doesn't end up with cankles. no guy likes cankles.
My eyes are so dilated i literally have night vision right now.
I'm exhausted and I have velveeta stuck in my teeth
Did you eat out Derrek's girlfriend again?
As far as classy things to do in front of your ex go, throwing up on your own shirt is not one of them.
I cut holes in my blanket and put my arms through it. It's the sleeveless "Bro Edition" Snuggie.
Like that girl needs to get her shit together. For her vagina's sake.
It was ths the worst 15 minutes of my life. . . It was like fucking a warm stick of butter.
tonights mission is daddy issue patrol - we wear old spice and drink gin martinis and see who reacts.
He referred to our sex as being similar to "Two cheetahs cage fighting" and I have to agree.
So it's safe to say that it's all down hill from here
Do you mean easy livin or downward spiral of alcoholism and disappointment
THIS IS WHY I WENT TO SCHOOL FOR TO BE A COSMETOLOGIST TO HELP MY EX BOYFRIENDS CURRENT GIRLFRIEND BE MILDLY ATTRACTIVE... Everything DOES happen for a reason
My friend came into the apartment in real handcuffs at 4 in the morning. She was laughing and running around and then proceeded out the door...
I'm pretty sure i doubled the number of dicks I've ever touched, last night.
Uber southern baptist grandma and uber flaming cousin just got into an argument about whether jesus is OK with gay marriage. Aren't these things only supposed to happen at Thanksgiving?
Hey I just woke up in the back of a pickup truck parked at taco bell... Can u come get me?
Randomize
