Someone wrote that you're a whore in one of the bathroom stalls
I didn't know I was popular enough to be hated. This is awesome
I GOT MY PERIOD!
damn. i had names picked out.
someone shit in a solo cup and left it at the base of the stairs. fuck orlando dude.
i just ate two sandwiches and am debating booty calling my landlord
then the nurse gave me a bag with my personal belongings: phone, wallet. jacket, keys and a BTB burrito
giving yourself 2 days to recover i see
I'll need it. Largely because i'm going to be stumbling through fancy restaurants with a bottle of whiskey insulting couples all night.
started to yawn and threw up hamburger helper instead. awesome night.
a guy tried paying for lapdances with cds, who uses those anymore?
In all fairness I didnt see your dick because it was already in her
I had to brake up with him.
In my experience drinking helps.
You dont want to know why?
Not really. I want to drink.
Morning yack off the fire escape. Girl walking by was mortified. Gooooooooo Ducks!!
I want to be you.
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Justin Timberlake, while dressed as Britney Spears. Fuck Jessica Biel, all my 90's dreams are coming true.
I think there's an ice cream truck out back, but there's no way I can get pants on in time to catch it
I just got my evaluation. My manager told me he hated my guts and pretty much wanted to stab me in the face. Then he gave me an "exceeds expectations" on pretty much everything and a raise.
Would you think less of me if I were eating pizza on the toilet right now?
Randomize
