fuck, i never want to drink again I drunk dialed matt last night and broke up with him the second night in a row. FUCK QUADFEST
she pooed on me. she actually pooed on me.
i finally watched harry potter... a tad unrealistic if you ask me... i mean a ginger kid with 2 friends?
it was either that or behind a dumpster, and i am way too pretty to pee behind a dumpster
this is probably the only time in my life that i would want to fuck thomas jefferson
I just wanted to share with you that my life has come to naked arts and crafts, to fix my flask, with a rum and coke in my hand... Good luck on your exam
What drink are we having for lunch?
Just to circumvent as much mood-killing as possible, you are allowed a small amount of laughter at my pubic hair. Too much and I revoke your vagina privileges until you can get your shit together.
I don't think I can recall what a 23 year old cock felt like if one slapped me in the face.
You know I'm having a rough day when I'm curled up in the corner eating Spaghettios.
I feel awkward giving career advice while naked
so the kid in line in front of me at walmart just bought roses and a Plan B pill. Happy Valentines Day.
I think I’ve reached sophomore-year-level of bad ideas
and you know that’s the highest possible level because it’s when I met you
After he finished he laid there and told me how much work that just was. I looked at him and told him not to ruin a good thing by opening his mouth.
I am sweating Crown. It all went wrong when the ratio hit 50-50
Randomize
