Afterall, it is the real San Francisco treat
Why the hell does jager make you get to the point of having to army crawl around cause you cant feel your legs and scream jaga bombs when puking??
What did you want me to do? You know I don't like fat people. I'm an asshole to them sober it only gets worse when I'm drunk
That doesn't make it okay! You tried kicking the girl's mom out where we were having the party at!
after he fucked me and not his girlfriend, i told him to be a gentleman and close his eyes as i ran to the bathroom naked. so sweet.
your definition of "gentleman" is so absurd.
Do you think it'll be awkward standing up at their wedding knowing I've slept with both the bride and the groom?
We did naked snow angels in 14 degree weather, you can't tell me you had more liquor at that party
last night he took my thong off with his teeth... god bless champagne
Bartenders are not toys. I repeat, bartenders are not toys.
Can't we have real sex instead of you just thrusting the air near me?
You're worse than that girl who made out with her cousin at that party
That was you...
I wanna get high and watch Shrek tonight...don't make me do it alone.
he fell asleep naked and all I'm doing is staring at his weird balls
I just want somebody to fondle my boobs while I read fanfiction. Is that too much to ask?
There was one thing about my NYC trip I forgot to tell you: I took a dump in Trump Tower
Checked my bank account this morning...apparently I went to 7-11 at 4am and spent $22 on taquitos. New all time low for me.
I ate all of them. New all time low for ME.
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