He told me to fart on his lap because the vibrations turned him on
Jager Bombs are cool, but hydrogen bombs are where it's at. Sparks and jager equals instant black out, I mistakenly tried eating a cigarette thinking it was a nacho.
she kept her crown on the whole time i was giving her birthday sex
there is a time and a place for ass-grabbing and that was not it.
Just an FYI: The offer for you to come snow blow my driveway in return for sexual favors is still on the table
He pulled the washer 5 feet out from the wall screaming about quarters
She just rubbed her face all over pool chalk. I feel like it's time to go
I send him pictures of my tits whenever I feel like he's paying too much attention to his girlfriend.
How drunk do you think I'll be by the time I get home?
I just watched you drink a whole glass of wine through a Twizzler. Pretty drunk.
Just assume that every drink in that house has alcohol in it.
I'm doing the walk of shame into my therapists office wearing his clothes...I guess go big or go home
I told him I want him to read me my Miranda rights while he's fucking me. Act exactly like he does while he's on duty except with his dick out.
Turns out that fresh outta jail dick is quite something.
I'm just happy stripping was the reason you fractured your hand
welp, we watched the human centipede high last night and my mind literally shut down, when i came to all i could hear was mel saying EAT EAT HIS SHIT
Randomize
