Did he leave or is he still there?
He left right away, I might have passed out. I saw your text and was like who left where? Then the oh shit feeling sunk in, hangover starting now.
Just got to costco. Where are you?
Liquor aisle, bring another cart.
Please tell me the foreign boys in the kitchen this morning were yours.
Do you know how hard it is to write about pediatric crohn's when we're trying to figure out the keg situation for graduation?
It was one of those you-have-no-other-way-home-and-we-already-made-out-so-I-guess-youre-coming-home-with-me-if-you-promise-to-leave-early kind of deals.
I was blowing him while he was singing Happy Birthday to his girlfriend on the phone. I win.
Will you judge me if i do shots in my basement closet first? No? Okay good
Thanks for the cold. I shartted and sat through a whole soccer game. James made 3 scores.
btw my ex came by last night and saw the pregnancy test intructions. awkwarrrrd.......
Would it be crossing a line if I told him that I now know his girlfriend has a huge mole on her left ass cheek?
Yeah, this is not that. This is a father and son bonding moment involving my all of my orifices.
Margaritas just taste better when they're bigger than your head
Used my brand new sperrys as a trash can to throw up in and woke up with someone's random key in my hair...new year new me:)
I can't. I'm going camping this weekend. I do have a life outside of your dick.
When I woke up today i said I will NOT sleep with her. This morning I did the walk of shame into work wearing the same clothes... How was your Monday?
Randomize
