I'm on that like soy sauce on rice
people would bow to what i just did to her vagina
is it bad that i regret hanging out with a girl tonight because that means i have less time to sit on youtube watching xmen cartoons?
is wine microwaveable?
I never thought I would say the free bottle of grey goose was the problem but it was
I just want to have weird supply closet sex with him... and then I'll be all set. Fired, but all set.
Sorry about sucking tonight. Drunk truck fucking is apparently not my strong point.
If there's so much of a hint of a whisper from somebody I didn't tell personally, I will cut off your balls with a chainsaw, cauterize the wound with a flaming rusty spoon, feed your balls to your dog, and feed them to you when he shits them out, capiche?
Excuse me while I download incredibly disturbing porn until I'm more ashamed of myself than of my country.
I just watched some guy take a shot of jack Daniels, chase it with a shot of ciroc & then violently rip his pants off. You have to come here.
Honesty, no. I just want to shower you with hot dogs.
The amount of times I have been emergency drunk in the past 72 hours is staggering
I was trying to remember why my knees hurt then I remembered I was twerking on the countertops.
remember when I lost my virginity and said I could see myself becoming a sex addict?? Well I'm pretty sure that time has come
Thank you, my gorgeous heroine, for being such a total life-saver by giving me rides, forcing me to eat, providing porous absorbant surfaces to bleed on, and everything else you do <3
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