if one more of _____'s family tells me "you're next" i'm going to shoot myself. Thank god for gin (most protestant phrase ever at the most Jewish wedding ever)
Ask for a julep and start talking about how you much prefer the uncircumsized peen. that should probably stop them.
His mom told be she once got turned down for playboy. 1 biggest mistake Hugh made. 2 is she hitting on me?
splinters make it hard to masturbate
Ok...drunk girls at the bar are charging $1 for motorboating. It's fucking WEDNESDAY. I never want to leave.
got extra credit for showing up to class before a holiday. it hit me 5 minutes later that she meant easter....
Your lower body and my face have had way too much contact lately.
Had no idea what his name was when I woke up. Went through his desk, found his tax records. Ben. And loaded.
Want to come over and rub aloe on my tits?
What wine did you feed Jack? Might not want to waste the good stuff on kitties. Kitties only get box wine.
Also, in the middle of me riding him, he said "I want you to dance on my dick" like I was supposed to know what that means
They're fighting and it sounds intense. Cross your fingers for their demise
Toss in some raw meat and play heavy metal music. It will insight violence.
sorry for showing your butt to the bar
sorry for licking your cheek
Remind me to tell you: When threeways go awry, my MLK weekend story.
we are currently pregaming for our walk to the liquor store.
step one: admitting you have a problem. complete.
also, when i showed up he started talking to me and eventually asked me if the girls treated me well. i went on to talk about my sex life. he was talking about his secretaries.
Randomize
