So we've decided on 'hamburger' as your code for tonight. If you add ketchup or fries, we know the threat level has escalated.
She was so wet my fingers were literally pruney when I got done with her
Know what's awesome? Flying a mini helicopter while you shit.
This is just what we do. We meet guys, go back to their place, smoke all their weed & go home to compete in out own version of Cupcake Wars.
How do I know if porn I have watched is haunted?
Buy Actually if the police need to find my body I'm on an air mattress in an apartment near a McDonald's that's all I see out dat Window
On the upside, no one went to the hospital! Lex's friend was definitely on fire at one point last night though because he tried to juggle tiki torches. He was shirtless this morning and smelled like a BBQ.
I had the hottest doctor assess me at the hospital. He smelled like heaven and sex.
Because sadly the idea of me having a girlfriend is crazy enough to be an April fools prank
My mom just came upstairs handed me an Adderall and asked if I could help her wash the ceilings
My fart just smelled like the inside of white castle, I mean spot on, no difference whatsoever.
Worst sex ever! He was a talker for sure! I was on top and out of no where he said "Oh you bad bitch?" I stopped and left.
getting my period the day i moved was my bodies way of saying 'congratulations youre not leaving town with anybodies babies!'
let your parents know i'm sorry i ran around the house pretending their metal detector was a "booze detector"
I remember her making the first martini but the rest of the weekend is a blur of vodka, high heels and sex toys.
First time being used by a cougar. Definitely okay with it
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