Pretty sure somebody just said 'I used to have a nipple'
that's awkward
my last 3 google searches were anal itchy vagina and ice cubes
she was drooling, sharted in her sleep, rolled over stuck her hand under the covers pulled it back out, smelled it and moaned and rolled back over. i almost added puke to the disgusting bodily fluid category.
I havent jerked off in so long, my dick literally prevented me from rolling over in my sleep this morning. new definition of painful?
Either he masturbated at the end of the bed or she gave him a bj. Either way my bed was shaking and I was uninvolved.
So even though we broke up apparently according to my voice mail you still like me, with smurfs while riding on a boat.
That little tingle vodka gives me in my esphagus is what lets me know I'm still alive.
I think my whole family judged my ability to change under a blanket.
In a moving vehicle and other people in the car
Let me clarify that those tears were for losing my fuck buddy and his penis, not to the fact that he decided he wanted an actual relationship with feelings.
I've never used poorer judgment in my life. It's mathematically possible that I impregnated 5 women in the past 24 hours since I won the lottery. But I couldn't be happier about it.
I CAN'T FUCK HIM OUTSIDE. THAT'S FOR PEASANTS. HE'S TOO FAMOUS FOR THAT.
She made sure everyone knew we were doing shots for her dead grandma.
My neck is PURPLE. This is NOT a good day to be indoctrinated by the cardinal...
I think the cashier could tell I was sad. All I bought was penis shaped food and chocolate
Happiness is laying in bed, topless, pouring 4 packs of hot sauce on your taco bell.
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