this ugly chick literally cried last night because i wouldnt let her give me head
I just fucked a rockette. This would have been amazing a week ago.
I swear after i took it all i did was scream for four hours
I'm leaving my hospital band on when we go drinking tonight. I'm aiming for pity sex.
If he thought that flying across an ocean to visit me in London constituted sex, he thought wrong.
Just saw a drunk guy clapping and cheering for a chipmunk climbing up a tree. Classic
You kept hugging the big bouncer & feeling the other ones beard
she was rubbing her elbow against the fish tank and laughing hysterically then she said I'M THEIR FISHY GOD and watched harry potter
Whatever. I'll just fuck him now and deal with the clingyness later.
He came over drunk in a speedo i told him he has my vote he said who are you voting for when i said obama he took off running and shouting i was worthless like an empty beer can
I learn from experience and I experienced what it would be like to completely lose my mind and then wake up with a stab wound.
Saw a girl outside my apartment shotgun a bud light, then a red bull, get in her Tahoe, and drive 4 people away. Gotta love thirsty Thursday.
well i don't NEED my liver but it's nice to have one when you're trying to have a good time
who sends a dick pic at 3 am on a sunday honestly
seriously. and now it'll take him hours to clean up the glitter
Came home to my roommate drinking a 40 in the shower. Chugging with his hair still fully shampoo'd.
Randomize
