oh God, I have a dick of a middle schooler
Im telling you now. Hang out with winning football players and you get whatever the hell you want. Sorry to wake you. But its important knowledge.
Mom is telling us about the time she drank her own breast milk. Help.
I found out that they tried to reenact the Snooki drop by using a jump rope and the banister. Pictures say it all.
i get the sense she is planing new and exciting ways to physically harm me during sex
We're not in high school anymore. I'm not going to pretend to be impressed as he butchers my favorite songs on his guitar. I just wanted to get laid.
Bad news? she threw her drink in his face, left her phone at the club, and disappeared. I found her laying in bed with the bottle she stole from our VIP service. Good news is she's asleep and I have the bottle, come home
If I puke off the kayak tomorrow think nothing of it.
Just puke out the sadness. Like a fuckin dragon.
he may or may not have motorboated me on the steps of the library of congress
I'm 99% sure the Indians were high for thanksgiving and we should respect that by getting high too
My life has evolved from screwing randos, ok?
The batteries in my vibrator died before I could finish. Which is a lot like my sex life lately......
My Easter Basket from my parents consisted of one chocolate bunny and a massive amount of condoms and a single note saying "the pope approves of the use of condoms" love mom and dad
Woke up on a lawn chair hugging a bottle of vodka. Hows your morning so far?
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