I guess calling a coworker a lesbian sea cow is some kind of violation.
At one point last night while tipping the bartender you looked at him and said "If I need money later, I'm taking this back"
He woke up next to me, said I "wasn't naked enough" and fell back asleep. I proceeded to blow him.
If he thought that flying across an ocean to visit me in London constituted sex, he thought wrong.
They put me in charge of something. Why the fuck would you look at me and put me in charge of something while i'm double fisting peach mimosas at a baby shower
You should know me better than that. I don't whore around. I promise this is a blowjobs only kind of trip.
He kept making me pretend I was his personal trainer. When I swallowed his cum he made me pretend I was drinking a protein shake. Thats actually what it tasted like.
Well I consider my vagina a dear friend. She treats me good I treat her good. We work together. Glad we could be of service.
It wasn't so much skinny dipping. It more like skinny walking...through a fountain.
She's in the bathroom. Literally just told me she could make a guy cum using just her words. Not bad for Sunday brunch.
Not sure when or why this happened but I just stopped giving a shit about everything
Life lesson: if a hot naked girl tells you to spit on something, you spit on it. No questions.
Shia LaBeouf arrested in austin for public intoxication. JUST DO IT
I like your optimism Chelsea but I'm not about getting my salad tossed
It's my birthday. I should be drinking mimosas in a top hat, not working.
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