my ass hurt today after the party last night. I wnt to the doctors and they found a coin in a ziplock bag with a note from you. WHAT THE FUCK DID U DO TO ME???
he sent me a picture of his dick with a heart border around it
Dude i thought about you literally the second after I came. This friendship is starting to cross some serious boundaries
You were chewing up hot dogs and spitting them out
I'm doing it for my vagina. You should understand that
He only talks to me during the summer and it's probably because I let him fuck me in my pool last year.
This old guy just saw me toking on my bubbler before I go to the dentist. He gave me the nod.
Swear to god our friendship has its limits. Stop peeing on the fucking refrigerator.
Dont worry bro, i'll be the designated kayaker. I wouldnt want u to be drinking and kayaking.
Still butthurt there's a framed picture of me passed out on the toilet in my grandparents' living room
I am sleeping in the bathtub because my bed is too soft.
So yeah he had good weed?
Whats proper etiquette for apologizing to your wife for being so drunk you stood up and pissed on the bedroom floor next to the bed?
She just left someone a voicemail saying 'you better not have plans Saturday night, cause I'm going to sit on your face.'
It isn't about the beer pong. It is about the destruction of the patriarchy.
I'm either hallucinating or there is a dying cat outside my apartment....
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