Do you ever creep on the girls you have banged and wondered how their walk of shame went?
life is all about the fine print - all i wanted was a fucking pony.
i feel like someone uncorked me like a wine bottle and pulled a living animal outta my arse.
i just woke up to seventeen texts from you saying all the things you would have done for a french fry.
I'm just not sure how to initiate the "do you want to have sex with my boyfriend and I" conversation
Well he's in a two year college so technically hes a senior. At least can we just pretend I'm not robbing the cradle.
Were not alcoholics, were just impatient for fridays
Who was the person who brought the rooster when they won @ beer pong
If by "Are you drunk?" you mean "Did you just faceplant in the checkout line at Target?" the answer is yes.
She's hot and all. It's just I don't want to become Eskimo brothers with my sister
After the day I've had, I can't decide if donuts or fireball would be the appropriate priority.
He lives in a tent in my ex'd backyard. Why the fuck would you want any of that dirty dick?
i had to flash a cab last night.
did it work?
No. he slowed down but then kept going. story of my life.
like, there were so many other better not terrible choices you could have made, so i'm honestly baffled that you managed to fuck up that bad
If she didn't have scissors in her hand I would have motor boated the fuck out of her when she was done cutting my hair.
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