absolutely 100% incorrect. and i love you more you silk skinned goddess
Soap is not a condiment
You keep asking me questions like I have this magical thing called a memory
Leave Me Alone
At least least me cry on your voice mail
I have to date her. We need a place to stay when we go tailgating.
How bad is the voicemail?
You graded my boobs.... C minus. Asshole.
He's such a champ. He puked on purpose just so he'd be coherent enough to roll this blunt
some people popped out of a houseboat and asked us to their party. their houseboat IS A WEEDBOAT. it is full of weed they grow weed. EVERYWHERE.
It doesn't feel like real life when you open your hotel room door and the first person you see is wearing a rabbit costume. I'm too hungover for this.
Captain America stopped by our tailgate. He ate a taco.
My roommate definitely just walked in on me playing the piano naked.
By piano you mean.....
Like literally a piano.
Ohhhh that's kind of embarrassing.
the amount of times i have been intoxicated, barefoot, and in a robe at 3 am at the quick check by your house is impressive, especially since i live an hour away
Hey it's Males-You-Probably-Wish-You-Hadnt-Had-Sex-With Monday. MYPWYHHSWM
I came in like 30 seconds, and my dog got to watch me take the walk of shame to the bathroom to clean up. All in all, not my best performance.
Sometimes I refuse to go through a door until someone holds it open for me because I'm a fucking lady.
Randomize
