i just realized that we are the poor version of bethenny and jill from real housewives... and I'm jill. this is a 6.5 on the depressing scale
at least we're not in new jersey
I don't care if he is my ex... I have the deed to his dick until someone else fucks him. We broke up 2 years ago.... I am still holding that deed!
When i woke up this morning she asked me 'when did you first find out that you could see the future.' I gotta stop drinking.
just got hammed at grandma and grampas 30th aniversary bash .. from the looks i was getting im guessing i wont be seeing an inheritance ...
Just seen a lady with the back of her head shaved and the rest of her hair in a pony tail like a sumo wrestler with a 6 inch glass dolphin hair clip. Nothing is going to ruin my day.
It's not meant to be. I also just shot a turkey baster of gin into Nate's eye, so....
I drunkenly called my ex on Skype last night and didn't talk, just smiled real big at him until I fell asleep.
Am I not being subtle enough by giving him a rainbow striped bong, during PRIDE MONTH?
Roomie questionaires don't ask any of the important questions like "how do you feel about one night stands" and "will you judge me post-walk of shame"
I feel so bad for your roommate
So the tow truck driver didn't charge us because Ian convinced him that he was sent out by God to share his cocaine with us.
The fact that u had sex with a Disney prince blows my mind, you're my hero.
Where do you think your fantastically immense lady-boner for men in uniform comes from?
Im sorry for telling you id rather jump into traffic than date you again. I didnt mean to be so rude
We had a pink drink in honor of my underwear and apparently I made out with our bartender... a few times
Long story short wrist restraints, Apple Watch and cumming all don’t mix
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