All I have in my fridge is chocolate cake, pizza, spicy mayo sauce, beer, and weed. I love college
Want any specific kind of beer?
Yeah. Alcohol flavor.
Got it. Anything but Miller.
amateur piercings on our way to the beach? check.
Naturally, I just peed all over the floor. Two guys in front of me looked at me, but i just shrugged. They won't remember either.
We asked "Is that Andy puking in the bushes, its 7 AM" he looks up and goes "It's okay guys, its 7:30"
someone just sent me a bong wrapped in christmas paper in the mail. signed 'santa'.
There is a girl on the metro with no shoes and she's using a Crown Royal bag as a purse.
Who is this?
You offered to lift up your dress at the bar so I could see your lower back tattoo
Um, I think that was a general offer to everyone. So...who IS this?
oh my god, just saw a man throw up in a trashcan and blood came out of his nose. HES GETTING ON MY BUS. HES SITTING ACROSS FROM ME. FUCK.
I think I'm just going to up-end a bottle of wine and look through pictures of what my life used to be.
He wanted me to blow him while he did curls and looked at himself in the mirror. Not sure if gay or ego maniac.
We were so hungover we fell asleep in Goodyear waiting for them to fix her car. At 4 in the afternoon on a Sunday. The workers apparently didnt want to vacuum because they didn't want to wake us.
How ya feelin sunshine?
Like a million dollars! ... That has been hit by a bus, drowned under water and beat repeatedly by a shovel.
He fucked the hangover right out of me. That good.
I just licked honey off my own tit. Is there anything about that which doesn't SCREAM single???
Randomize
