Not that I thought your boyfriend was a phile
But the whole crossing guard thing? Weird.
suddenly SuperBad didn't seem so funny anymore...she did have her period on my leg.
Found out in my property law class that you can sell your eggs for $8000. Helloooo spring break.
Her vagina is like Vegas. high traffic and full of glitter.
I just met his wife...she told me they have been having marriage problems and are spending his paychecks on marriage counseling...then she cried on my shoulder...NOW i feel like a bitch.
A stranger just came up to me and asked why I hadn't texted him, and if he was just a one night stand. I live for these moments.
How does one chug a beer and swing the bottle at someone in a single motion? This guys a beer ninja man
But if you were going to pour a liquid on your naked body in fall its definitely pumpkin inspired something.
I'm pretty sure there a million tiny ninjas in my uterus poking me with sticks.
I'm not going to be your wingman while you are in the hospital.
I'm surprised I don't have a permanent face imprint between my boobs.
Cause I'll toss Tabasco sauce in his eyes and yell "Cobra attack" and walk away
I just need to get a little drunker before I realize I'm not straight
"Why is there a bottle of Tequila taped to the fan?"
I totally fucked your pastor last night.
You're his wife.
Still a dirty get down.
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