i just sat at a stop sign for 10 minutes waiting for it to turn green. i need to STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT.
He brought over a 20 dollar bottle of wine. Who does that? This is college.
i guess when we were done i grunted "unforgiveable" and walked out.
I got a handjob to the OC theme song. It was like going back in time 7 years.
This is your monthly public service announcement that sexual services will temporarily cease from Wednesday night to Monday. Please plan accordingly and have a nice day =D
Bible prof is the guy I made out with at the gay bar on the fourth. He doesn't remember.
Eating my shrimp pasta on the porch with a 40, wearing a Hawaiian shirt, proclaiming "I GOT SCRIMPS." I just jumped the shark of college.
The owner of this phone is no longer accepting texts from liars, assholes or married men. You figure out which one applies.
Nothing like playing hide and seek with a state patrol officer early in the morning to get your heart rate up.
I saw him and didn't have sex with him. Responsibility five!
Dude I'm at a Marijuana dispensary party. They are giving away BAGS of edibles
How do you keep ending up in these situations?
My dad is their accountant
I wore wrist and ankle weights while we had sex. Does that count as working out?
You FaceTimed me at three in the morning while you were peeing. Your eyes were glazed over and you showed me your bellybutton.
I've never wanted anyone to have herpes as I much as I want him to right now.
You sat down in the middle of the road and started crying. We told you "Get your ass up or we're leaving you here." You replied "They'll findddd meeeeee" and ran after us.
Randomize
