so my phone accidentally called my dad from my purse at 2:14am....he has a 5 min voicemail of me discussing how Alicia should bang the guy who eats good pussy... i can never look at my dad in the face again....
he called to tell me the scratches were still on his back. this was in the summer.. still the best hookup
We took up a collection and paid her $50 to eat a piece of meat. Vegetarian morals trumped once again by cash.
My life has become a never ending game of 'illegal or just frowned upon?'
Wait, how is it that I'm just getting ready to go out and you're already showing your penis to freshmen girls?
So how many licks to the face does it take to get kicked out of the bar?
I know everytime I get my paycheck I'm like "I should probably renew my gym membership" and then I just buy more alcohol
bro, your right, i shouldn't feel embarrassed about taking shots from a penis-shaped ice sculpture
I'm treating this like a real date. My boobs aren't even out.
I'm so proud, I have tears
You ninja crawled over five sleeping guys to get in my room at 6 in the morning to wake me up for sex
...and I think that may just be my favorite moment in our fuckbuddyship
You were taking in your sleep. You were like Jess that's that animal we were talking about and you Hugged her feet
First night in my new apartment and I threw up in front of my neighbors door. Starting off this relationship strong.
I just wanna get drunk and watch Tarzan with you is that to much to ask?!?
Don't care if they even pay me; I lifeguard for the fringe benefits -- free tourist vagina in the Hilton jacuzzi every single night
All I fucking want right now is a cheeseburger the size of my face
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