Lady with a stroller in a bar. Think she's out of my league?
I told him that he is like a snow storm I never know when he is coming, how many inches I will get, or how long it will last
She guessed my name 9 times, and 5 of those times she guessed Mike. Figured that'd be an easy target for the night.
They let me keep the giant cocktail glass because I threw up in it. And made out with the bartender. Europeans are so generous. I'm getting it engraved
cheese fries, coffee, with a side of dry heaving in the bathroom at the diner on campus at 5am. never felt better.
I don't even know what beauty is right now. I wouldn't even pity fuck me today.
He should get nipple rings. No homo...I actually don't think there is a way to make it non gay.
Yeah you should have just let that thought go.
No he's here. We were watching Harry Potter stoned as shit and he fell asleep with his head in my lap. I'll figure out what to do with him after Harry gives Dobby the sock.
Whatever you do tomorrow don't let me put on the Borat mankini and yell "POLAR PLUNGE!!" while diving into the pool
The pool is covered.....
Like that would stop me.
btw, whatever u do, dont try and take that towel away from her..i tried, it got ugly..she said some things im sure she regrets.
Well, if it gives you any indication, when I got there, there was already some dude passed out naked in the treehouse.
I just slapped myself in the face with my dildo and I know that's a weird thing to share but I just had to tell to someone omg I'm laughing so hard
when in doubt, mount your coworker in the staff room.
I will 100% jerk off using my own tears as lube before I'd ever bang a 4.
If you think that liquor is the way to shower sex then you're right.
Randomize
