I only want to know people that are dynamic intelligent and totally insane
i just walked into a room at this party and someone yelled "dibs!"...
I think this dress is screaming I want a birthday 3some with two moderately attractive guys. I hope.
It was like what a highfive between zeus and Jesus would sound like
Forgot that I saved my paper as "Eat Shit Edwards" and e-mailed it because I missed class. I'm sure Prof. Edwards will be delighted when she gets it. I don't anticipate a passing grade.
I just don't have the heart to tell my mom you peed in our washer machine last night.
At first I was confused when I woke up with shards of glass and pickle brine in my pants. But then I remembered I hung out with you last night.
if women knew the size of my dick, theyd be much more receptive to my sloppy drunken advances
Dude she has starbursts in her sports bra. I feel like this is counter productive.
bro i dont care how hot she was, you try keeping it up with the amount of puppet he had in her room, it was like fucking in jeff dunham's house
Do you think Brian would let me smoke while we fuck? I'm not sure ill survive exams without a constant nicotine intake
I got into a fight with the dude who fell asleep on my couch bc he wouldn't wake up but managed to get a lunch date set for thurs with another guy by the time he finally left. So how's your day so far?
We're making a scrapbook of dick pics, you want in or what?
I got titty fucked last night and you're breastfeeding your newborn. Clearly we have gone two totally different paths since 2011.
Dude, I just turned down sexual favours because I need to study... What the fuck is wrong with me?
Randomize
