Anthony wouldn't know good sex if it sat on his face
I have a voicemail from Mike at 1am. He starts to say something, but then throws up instead.
You know I'm really starting to enjoy being everyones first gay experience
And don't be too jealous. Drinking alone watching a chick flick and masturbating isn't nearly as glamorous as it sounds
Gotta love hanging with Nat. By the time guys realize she isnt going home with them, they've spent enough money and time to think I'm a good idea.
i slept with him so i could steal the screens out of his sink faucets for my bowl when he went to sleep. not because he's funny.
I think the multiple Sunday morning sirens outside my window are a plot by the cops to get back at me for the shit we pulled last night. Or I should move to a better area.
Gonna send a picture of my negative pregnancy test with the message "Merry Christmas" to the guys I've been sleeping with. That alone, will put a huge dent in my shopping list of gifts for people.
I think she's going to be dangerous to drink with, but I'm ready for the adventure.
What time do you think you'll be heterosexual?
Soooo we should kick it sometime when it's like light outside. Drink outta cups.. Be bitches. 7, 6, 3, 5.. 4, 2, 1... Sschhkiddaellladiieessscchk
He has silky zebra print sheets, which you would think he put on just for me, but the bed was unmade. Did I just sleep with a closet case??
all i remember is slapping you in the face with a slice of pizza while laughing maniacally.
Cooked. Eating pizza. Didn't have a napkin so I took my shirt off and I'm using it.
I looked into her soul, didn't I?
You eye-fucked her soul.
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