Will you still be my friend if I read and enjoyed Twilight?
No
I had a long pep-talk with my penis that ended in "I love you, I'll try harder and I'm sorry."
where are my pants?
you were passing out with two blankets and the person next to you was cold so you gave him your pants to keep warm
fine. I googled it. you have to eat 5 to die so apparently I'm in the clear.
I have no idea what to do about this. He has a power over me and I think its called his tongue.
Did you Fuck minivan and her friend last night?
I had to have the guy I went out with last night come pick me up from the hotel the next morning after I ditched him for a firefighter..don't even talk to me about a walk of shame
But I do know they give away thousands and thousands in booze
My liver has a boner
I think my greatest accomplishment today was probably using a bottle opener to get the cap off my fourth drink while holding the cat WITHOUT dropping him.
Oh god, what has my life become?
Fuckin wine wasted last night. Found my pants in the toilet this morning.
at least its a cool name to shout when he's balls deep in you later
I have a story for you. It involves waffles and getting naked with the local weatherman.
Dude we just exchanged Zelda related pickup lines. I fell in love at "you can blow on my ocarina"
okay i know we havent talked for like weeks but i just really wanted to tell you that i miss your dick. like alot.
whose this? and thank you
i want to say his dick was in it but not his heart
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