i broke up with my boyfriend last night because i had to eat a freezy pop in every color and he ate the last blue one. i sat on the floor and cried for an hour at least. everyone left. so i decided that this whole weed thing isnt really healthy for my relationships.
u know whats better than using ur vibrator? using it w/ jeopardy on in the background and half moaning the correct final jeopardy question. yeah that just happened.
I don't even know. I woke up in the bathtub with no shirt, covered in towels holding what appeared to be vanillia pudding mixed with captain morgan.
My mom just invited me to come with them on their honeymoon to Mexico this summer. And I got a Bump-It in my stocking.
Pass the awkward sauce please.
I'm drowning in it here
It's not meant to be. I also just shot a turkey baster of gin into Nate's eye, so....
Maybe. This hangover is made of nightmares and that thing from the Alien movies.
I got laughed at by a homeless guy in a Daniel Boone hat. I have no clue what this means for my day
I even got my dealer to make gluten free special cookies ;-)
I'm gonna go to bars and pick up women hopped up on democracy.
I just did shots of fireball with my dad in a car wash. How's your pregaming going?
Whatcha doing tonight? Reply TURNUP if you are drinking, or STOP to cancel messages
you seriously don't remember..? but then again, you were taking shots by yourself for like 30mins
YOU HAVE BEEN BAD TOUCHED BY THE LEPRECHAUN OF CHOICES
It's my birthday, dammit, and I'm getting something for free. I don't care if it's just a drink at the bar.
YOU CAN GET THIS DICK FOR FREE
Reverse road head. Sa-witch!!!
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