Two kids are drinking pounders in class. I think I'm hanging out with the wrong group of friends.
Oh god. It's my first day here, I'm still drunk and somebody just drifted in a forklift. I'm going to die.
I pulled my tongue muscle last night. your welcome.
That sucks. I just talked to a telemarketer for 15 minutes about CSI: Miami and weed.
I can coach you back to consumption. Think of it kinda like Rocky II.
that freshman chick we always see on the weekends walked into art class wearing a jaegermeister shirt and holding a monster, which she proceeded to shotgun with a pair of scissors. It sickens me to know I will never achieve her level
Only I could run tino my father in law while looking at condoms at Rite Aid. At 730 on a Thursday morning. I'm in trouble.
Nothing like running into your favorite bartender in the middle of the afternoon while stone cold sober and being told your grabbed his penis the last time you were at his bar. My bad.
If you're wearing dry underwear your day is already better than mine.
I'm not sure if I should be proud of you for having morals or disappointed in you for letting your sex life get this sad.
I've never had someone so bad at kissing. It was like he was trying to block my airway with his tongue and he succeeded...
Never should have deleted her from my facebook. My new girl is so much hotter than she is, I just want to passive aggressively rub it in her face
I think it was a low point but honestly at this point I've had so many that my life is like a valley
Drunk. Come get me. Out front blue shirt.
Where are you? And you borrowed my shirt. I know what you're wearing. How wasted are you?
Hotel
WHICH HOTEL??
Apparently during my blackout I walked over to Troy, grabbed my crotch, and said “Eat Fresh” while his GF was with him. FML
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