can you have the cops turn on the gps locator on my phone...i just woke up in a Hooters uniform and I have no idea where I am...
i knew it was going to be a good night when i was bleeding, licked it and it tasted like miller light
You just begged me to mute the porn and watch her ass bounce while listening to dubstep the whole time.
ALTON JUST DID GRAVY SHOTS. THIS IS WHY HE'S MY HERO
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Be still, my beating vagina.
I'm on my "fiiiiirrrst" glass of wine- the quotes mean it's the last of the bottle- so I really need you to pick up your phone so we can talk about this
hey your mom heard me say to her " That right your not going to Shit right for a month"
If I walk in on you beating off, at least have the fucking decency to STOP BEATING OFF!
No. If I hated you would get none. Then I would eat them all in front of you and laugh at your tears. Although that hasn't been ruled out for entertainment purposes. Nothing purposeful.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Last night you said you were going to stop drinking and then proceeded to dip cookies in your vodka.
Sadly that explains a lot.
I just want to drink cheap wine and throw my bra at an aging singer songwriter
I can recall having this conversation with a three year old, but go on
Wow. Memory lane. What a horrendously unsightly jizz stain on the tapestry of life.
I'll just go on tinder. Seeking strong male to help take apart ikea furniture and move. I'll touch your dick.
Breaking news: when you're gone every towel is a dick towel
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