Don't tits with veins remind you of road maps?
She pushed me over. She offered me a shot from her tits. We're good now
Sidenote: do you recall your "give me the d" chant
I shit you not ... they just advertised a recruiting service for strippers at this concert.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Some chick asked if she could eat me because I'm dressed as a taco. I introduced her to RJ. Best Wingman.
okay - we take $20 and buy each other some 'drink till we puke' clothes from the thrift store.
He's a prodigy! It would be a service to the scientific community.
15 is 15
Where the fuck do you get consience sedatives from?
They finally caught us and banned us forever, but it was worth it because we didn't have to pay for light bulbs for at least 3 years.
So you stole light bulbs, from your favorite bar, and got banned, and you're happy?
Look we couldnt pay for light bulbs and ramen, and you can't eat light bulbs or cook in the dark. Win - win.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
That awkward moment when your boyfriend tries to have sex with his go pro on #hdporn
He couldn't give me an orgasm, but he did give me a UTI.
I just walked in on my dad beating it.. There's not a fucking therapist in ARKANSAS that can help me with that!
Do you remember what happened last night? All I could find we're phone numbers of strip clubs in Detroit. Did we go to Detroit?
She made kool-aid with tequila instead of water and rolled a blunt about the size of an Oscar Mayer hot dog. Best blind date I've ever had. I think I will love her tell my dieing day!
You went on the date? His pickup line was I swear I'm not a serial killer and you went on the date???
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