Do you not remember dry humping your dog for 20 minutes at oxfest dude?
Remember that time i walked in on your friend taking a huge shit?
Remember that time you hooked up with him?
You told her the u were going to wrap your dick around her neck and start her like a lawn mower. thats why she left.
recess is on disney at 4 in the morning, insomnia has never been so rewarding
I'm so ready for finals. She finally agreed to skypesex me from spain so now i'm up until 4am studying every morning waiting for her to get online
if theres anything i pride myself on, its my ability to look homeless.
When the doctor said the anal leakage might not be reversible without some lifestyle changes you start asking if it's worth the entertainment value.
well the night couldnt get much worse after she peed all over herself and the sidewalk.
My mom just called me to tell me that i dont have chlamydia. Awkward.
Cause a man that looks THAT good must have an ass that tastes like lucky charms
I feel like I should have backed off when "I love you" came out on the third date. Now I'm in her bed wondering which door my shrine is behind. Fuck.
Honestly and this might sound scary... But I want to get high and play with weapons
Can I borrow your pants?
WTH?
Just come to the men’s room and help me. The blonde bartender figured out I’m married. Rachel will definitely notice if come home pantsless
I need your help immediately! I sorta kinda sliced my foot off at the ankle with my new kitana. Bring your cooler, ice and some hospital road beers.
You remember my neighbor with the perfect ass? It's even better in assless chaps.
Randomize
