sometimes in life you just needs hand puppets
She was crying and singing Taylor Swift on repeat. I'm never drinking with her again.
He puked at the bar then immediately procceded to slip in it, they loaded him up into a wheelchair, then the staff and myself walked him outside, all the while never having to pay for our tab. SO using this strategy again
So the answer to your question is yes, I was masturbating on the roof of my building.
I don't care how high you are, you can't finger me while eating potato chips.
I wanna throw up and cum in that order
Oh aight, and i was just going to be content with drinking, beating off and watching ninja turtles
My 19 year old brother just hooked up with his 45 year old cougar kindergarten teacher. These sorts of situations make me realize why the sorority girls call him Wondercock
He kept telling me that it stood for Sex Utility Vehicle
Like don't initiate a threesome when we're all watching SPONGEBOB. That's like sacrilege.
I'm more than my video games and dildo collection
You KNOW it was a good night when you find French fries AND taco remnants in your bra when you get home...
I'm basically cruising around listening to 90's gangsta rap with my meatball sub telling people to go fuck themselves
false alarm, still single
90% sure I just sold adderall to my professor
100% proud
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