Last night you told her she was rocking the beer gut. Still wondering why you have that black eye?
hey..i found a takeout box with a half-eaten hamburger in it, the box said to text this number if found...
I told him i wanted to be exclusively cheating with him
I always give him head in random places, it's a guessing game for his cock.
pre-gaming in the library. just gonna keep going until i'm too drunk to keep working and then i'll be there.
It is scary how often "just flash him" is your advice.
Just threw up in the waiting room. I can't believe I have to switch dermatologists again.
so how does soaking flintstones gummy vitamins in vodka not make perfect sense
Survival tip #3: while you're hooking up with him, don't say he reminds you of his brother
Trying to figure out what I just puked. Demon weed is salad. No more drunk buffets.
He hasn't touched a vagina in two and a half years. THIS IS WAY TOO MUCH PRESSURE TO BE UNDER
Just peed off a cliff while playing white snake on my phone. Close enough?
well some coke just fell out of my nose in my partners meeting so i'd say my day's off to a fantastic start
I thought I'd never say this, but if I had to choose between these cookies and sex, it would be these cookies
My last Google search was 'can an impotent man have sex'. I don't even want to know what I did with that guy.
Randomize
