and this is why I hate my dad. He got 25x more angry with me when I wanted to drive a different route then he suggested to get to his house (more scenic- thus more enjoyable) then he did when I told him I was driving drunk with 4 people in the car and I got my 5th speeding ticket last night.
He better hope I dont die soon. Because I would haunt his bitch ass and cock block 24/7
vagina is talking i cant
my dad just walked in on my jacking off and all he had to say was "I thought you were bigger than that".... thanks dad.
I just saw her punch a kid in the face.. i always knew she was the girl for me.
While I was banging her, her cell rang. She checked to see who it was, answered it, and moaned, "I'm dumping you."
I guess I just got drunk and ordered a mini fridge off the internet. At least now I know the 200$ that was missing from my checking account wasn't spent on lap dances only.
I threw up in a mitten on my drive home. Wow.
Next Halloween, remind me to find a different wingman. Walking out in your pirate costume talking like Captain Ahab while i was banging her and telling me I had to harpoon the white whale really pissed her off.
I paid off a credit card today. And I was tested negative for HIV. AND I did laundry. Honestly, I'm most excited about the laundry.
He gave me a beer, petted my head, and called me kiddo.
You can't just be this socially awkward and sexually frustrated and jealous as a fucking demon and be expected to stay sober.
well he said my boobs made him believe in love at first sight so that's cool
I just did a shot of Jameson and two shots of cuervo. Note: this is the moment things went down hill
I think he has some internal "man stuff" that keeps getting in the way.
Like alcoholism and general douchbagary.
Randomize
