as veruca salt said, "i want it now!"
uhh im not your indulgent father, stoned and im in the middle of making tacos. right now, tacos win
When he was fingering me, it felt/looked like he was digging around for pocket change.
i would rather give Shaq a handjob than take this accounting final
We watched a biography of Frida Kahlo in class today. It was depressing. A chick with a UNIBROW just put my sex life to shame.
i have wind burn on my face from my head hanging out the window of the cab vomitting
Dont tell her I prefer to have an aura of mystique surronding me and my penis.
Just did it in a room with glowing stars to Peter Gabriel's down to earth on shrooms. This is like god
I made people serenade her before talking to her and went on a condom run. If I'm going to be in the friend zone, I'm going to be its fucking king.
I know, it's just the worst. Also, security almost took the burrito I brought for lunch. I thought I was going to have to pull a Liz Lemon and eat the whole thing before I could go through.
I was giving him a handjob in the woods and a family walked by
I didn't know where you were for like 15 minutes and then I went in the bathroom splashing water on the mirror and throwing hand towels around saying that you were "redecorating"
If I die write a nice eulogy and bury me with my star wars bobbleheads
No, not if I told them not to. they listen to me. I have a vagina.
This woman at the blackjack table is sitting on a pile of newspaper so she can pee at her seat and never miss a hand.
So what if is hockey, you don’t turn down sex with a professional athlete. They work out all day and have amazing stamina. Your vagina will thank you!
Randomize
