I think getting shot is the thing to do in Brooklyn
Omg. Never. Take a laxative the day you are going on. A date.
it's a shame restraining orders have to come between me and my relationships
Barsexuality is the new black.
they could make at least 3 episode of "i shouldn't be alive" out of my weekend
ya and he came three minutes into it because he didnt have sex all summer
oh that makes more sense i knew you arent that good
you know you have a brother who cares when he hands you a piece of pizza before you pass out from too many bong hits
I dont think that yelling at the medic "Christmas is gone, fuck off santa" was the best idea when you couldnt feel your legs.
You look cute and you are awesome. And that means something coming from a judgmental bitch
At what point in my life did a night that has strippers, belly dancers, tequila and a midget become "average"?
This guy smells like mr Rogers puppets and I don't know how to deal with it
the fat lady is now rubbing her stomach and staring at me. I hate trains
He's still short.... And probably a douchebag. But if we ever run into him downtown I fully encourage you to take him home and have "I hate you douchebag" sex and lick every inch of that disgustingly toned chest.
As a home can we vote to stab Peter?
I share a birthday weekend with Easter this year, so that fucking sucks. I hate sharing...and I have to share with fucking Jesus this year.\n
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