I dumped him because he's never seen star wars. I'm certain I did the right thing.
Zach says you can't see his penis until after we're married...not sure why?! Bt then he said he thinks maybe you already have on the wild animal night!
I looked him in the face and asked if we could stop. he asked why. I said "I can't feel it.". ...I feel bad; I should have faked.
so i walked in, looked up the stairs and all i saw was smashed pumpkin, tube socks, and marinara sauce
Does boxed wine and camel crushes signify a college date? Lets hope so
My niece just unknowingly cock blocked me. Obviously, someone won't be getting a christmas present this year.
This is no lauging matter. Huge cock equals great sex. Marriage to huge cock equals great life.
You know it was a good night when you're lying on the couch in your pjs at 4pm having a pitcher of ice water for breakfast.
I honestly feel really bad for any girl with a period that lasts more than a day
Everything about that text makes me want to throttle you and cry
So some drunk guy just tried to convince me with all of his passion that bacon is a color
I was so gone I thought the cops banging on my door were kids from the party trying to get into my room... needless to say, I started moaning louder so they would take the hint.
I feel like my stoner spirit animal is Janice from the muppets.
I'm so sorry to hear about your grandmother. Also how many grams are in an eighth?
Best neighbors ever! They found the guy ive been wanting as a booty call and got me invited to the party the guy was at and gave me alcohol so i could be tipsy when met him. im never moving.
He's hot, clean, can actually cook, and best of all isn't a narcissistic prick. I found a unicorn.
Ride that fucker.
Randomize
