Just invented new drinking game watching Hocus Pocus... everytime they say "virgin" wetake a shot and yell out "to j****"
So I'll spare the details, but I think I discovered I'm lactose intolerant. In my sleep. And you'll be needing new sheets.
i forgot beer had calories. that would explain alot.
I don't have any food so I made a martini so I could eat the olives. Don't tell me I can't think outside the box.
As it turns out, drunk trust falling that guy at the top of the waterslide didn't really work out for anyone..
Also there's a dick sized hole in my tights...should I be worried?
No one intentionally makes bad decisions, just errors in judgement. You have your boyfriend I have a restraining order from universal studios. It's all relative
I hope you don't have to start the day explaining to me how you failed to turn "Can I practice my belly dancing in your apartment" into all night sex.
you duct taped a twenty to your thigh just in case and passed out.
My roommate was tripping balls last night, he kept me up all fucking night
Roommate? Please tell me you're not calling your cat your roommate
He is what would appear if the douche troop all had rings and we summoned someone like the Captain Planet kids.
I think it was clear she was setting us up when she brought me over to you and said "Present!"
My throw up tasted like pumpkin, fall is right around the corner.
someone stole my phone at the bar last night, naturally, it led to me waking up in the bartender’s bed
I saw some guy masturbating in the Burger King parking lot and I’m just fucking done
Randomize
