I really want to fuck my wifes sister.
life lesson #1: a fart during an awkward silence between 2 strangers doesnt make it less awkward.
so he came on my face and then proceeded to say "that was just how i imagined it would happen"
where do you find these guys?
I thought the fact that I took home a 42 year old with 3 kids would excuse my tardiness this morning because my boss is also 42 and has 3 kids. Boy was I wrong.
Did u pay ur friends to not make fun of me?
Tonight is one of those "I'm wearing a shirt as a dress" nights because I need to get laid.
It would be celebrated in history as "the orgasm heard round the world"
She gave me a handjob while eating a mcdouble with mayo on the way home from the bars at 2 in the morning. Car was full of people. This could be forever
There's always a certain something about a day that begins with your panties in your purse.
You screamed 'no, YOU put some pants on' at a cop. I pretended not to know you.
Did I seriously kick a door down last night... And if so when where and how hard, cause that shit I do not recall.
The house hit rave levels when La Bamba came on which confuses me because I live in white suburban Canada
PARA BAILAR LA BAMBA ASSHOLES
If you're going to be single forever, you should try the quesalupas at Taco Bell.
Don't worry about us we're making Mac and cheese
MAC AND CHEESE ABORTED, WE HAD FIRE
Are you sure you found YOUR underwear?
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