guess you're going to miss out on a groin massage and a frosty vagina
I dont know whats worse: her telling me she was so drunk i was "almost sexy," the fact that even when theyre shitfaced, im just "almost sexy" to girls, or the fact that i wasnt that offended by it.
You have to understand, this is the first time I'm looking at a whopper sober.
Urine might work for jellyfish stings, but we found out it doesn't work well for nose bleeds...
So, how do I go about conveying: I'm sorry, yet very glad she is having my abortion. Via text msg?
Drunkenly bought a $240 realtor course last night. Apparently even drunk me thinks my future is going nowhere
the straight edge chick smoked with me, because according to her my bowl is pretty
I apparently tried to wax off my nipples.This explains the pain
YOU SHOULD HAVE BEEN THE FIRST VISITOR TO CHRISTMASLAND
I literally just want someone to fuck me and buy me cheeseburgers. I don't even want a relationship at this point. Just a chew toy and some food.
In honor of the new administration, I'm going to make it my goal this weekend to get some lesbian action. Fuck Donald Trump and fuck Mike Pence. I'm going to be a spiteful gay.
Why can't you just be normal and get dick pics from your exes like everyone else?
We lost a person.... if you see a man in yellow shorts and nothing else walking around let me know...
Are you alone?
No, but I have to leave him in my bed while I go on this date.
You left your pants here again. 4th time in a row. How can you walk home without pants?
Randomize
