jusi got death stares at taco bell because I asked if Denise was working.
so i had a hang over on saturday and i stayed in the shower for 4 hours, then crawled out, skimpered to my bed, and some kid i didnt know was sleeping in it
If I had a clone, I'd fuck it with a condom
Tell your boyfriend I'm sorry for ruining his vein. I'm never drawing blood drunk again.
I JUST HAD PHONE SEX. WHILE TAKING A BATH. FOR AN HOUR. EATING A PLATE OF BURRITOS. TOP THAT SHIT.
i also took my stockings off in the bathroom and blew my nose with them in the cab ride home. james was appalled
Have you ever realized how cool bread is? Like so many things taste good on it. Like its crazy to think that peanut butter and turkey can both taste good on the same thing.
We were apparently using marine hand signals to communicate to one another where to meet up in the house to hook up.
Didn't even know I knew marine hand signals.
You wrote me a check. For zero dollars. For my soul. Dick.
don't judge but I think I'm gonna go fuck a dad this weekend
HE MIGHT HAVE YOUR BUTTHOLE, BUT HE CANT HAVE YOUR HEART. THATS MINE.
I might go bald with this hair pulling thing every night.
im gonna shove his purity ring down his throat
Dude, you got arrested for trying to direct traffic with your dick....
I discovered moonshine and fell in love.
Randomize
