I swear coke makes your nose hairs grow out of control
he just sent me a friend request on facebook. i wish it were physically possible to vomit on him through the internet.
The lack of pants and amount of productivity in my life right now is amazing.
And for your info. Don't pee outside with glow sticks. People will still see you.
I think I get why guys like boobs so much. I just motorboated myself and it's fun. My boobs feel soft and squishy on my face.
I couldn't accept the bj. My penis has done nothing wrong and didn't deserve the punishment of her face.
She put up a picture of her grandmother on facebook, looks like the lazy eye runs in the family
It's gonna be pretty hard to find a homeless person that takes crackers as currency.
Barack Obama mentioned plan B and suddenly this address seems a lot more personal
"Don't get as drunk as I was on my birthday" has been upgraded from a goal for Friday night to a goal for my life in general.
Luckily my prof thought I was puking from nerves and gave me motivational mini speeches the entire final.
Really?!? Does he think blocking me on FACEBOOK means that he doesn't have a kid with me?!
the guy sitting next to me at the bar has a patrick swayze tattoo hovering over a roast beef sandwich. 'merica.
When I type "sleep" my phone suggests "with Trevor". My phones an asshole.
I think my FWB just broke up with me and i don't know how I feel about that
Randomize
