I just came so hard I farted. Twice. Thank God I'm alone.
New invention idea: vibrating tampons
I just realized that I've become that person they make the alcohol warnings on medicine for.
Just passed on a threesome. I'm too old for that kind of morning after.
Were playing beruit winners pelt losers with eggs
No more Raisinettes before sex. That's what happened. I just put it together
I send him pictures of my tits whenever I feel like he's paying too much attention to his girlfriend.
Sign she's a keeper: "I would rather be late to brunch than waste a perfectly good boner."
This is going to ruin my future wedding planner career, but isn't it better the groom knows he's gay BEFORE he gets married?
I no longer believe that the road to self esteem is through his penis.
Is it bad that I'm using the photo I took for my fake ID as my linkedin profile pic?
He sent me a snap with the dog tongue filter. I might have to bench him.
Holy shit dude........stairs
I know you told me I shouldn't go see him...that's why I'm texting you letting you know I made it home safe from his house this morning
I could not add him. He gets 5 likes on Instagram.
Randomize
