my dad just told me that a lesbian kissed my mom at a bar last year
No, asshole. I'm not gay. But if I was I think I would do better than fucking Nick Lachey.
I'm home alone watching The Hills seasons, eating pickles and drinking straight rye. I just googled "how to make friends". Probably not the most pro-active solution. Help.
Hello rock bottom. My name is Jared. Nice to meet you.
which gay bar do you need a ride home from?
I realize now that I left my pants on that table in the downstairs bathroom at you house on Tuesday....
I told myself this year would be different, I wouldn't get "pee in a fish tank drunk".. Got to the girls house... Fish tank in her room.. 2 years in a row.. had to keep the tradition going
I realized I'm gonna have to fit cheating on my gf, sleeping with my gf and having dinner with her parents all into one Sunday evening
Apparently I told the girl smoking was terrible for her, and then requested it in my mouth.
apparently, dueling with garden tools in Home Depot is strictly frowned upon
Bar selfie Saturday turned into bar nudie Saturday in a hurry. I need to delete my snapchat...
Neither a grow-er nor a show-er. More like a no-er. If he didn't have testicles, I'm not sure you could tell he was a male, even standing there naked. There will be no second date.
I know I don't have feelings for him because I feel completely ashamed every time after we have sex
"I'm 95% straight," he says. Cut to him on his knees...by far the most beautiful guy I've ever fucked.
I think I sold my soul to a dominatrix last night.
My mom found me this morning passed out, face down on my dinning room floor
That must have been one awkward situation haha
Well I woke up in my bed.... I don't remember her finding me
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