She swallowed my jizz and then took a shot of jack daniels and said "chaser." This cant be real life.
Ur keys r in ur purse. ur purse is on the couch. ur cigs r on ur front seat. u drank all ur wine. mollie took ur jkt bc u cockblocked her. and in case anyone asks, the saints won 31-17.
Just flooded the bathroom while masturbating in the shower. Managed to squeege most of it up. Desperately need to get laid.
I am convinced that after two dates and a few adult sleepovers that he still doesn't know my name.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Whatever you didn't send me pics of you topless making bacon
When you wake up, just ignore the mess in the bathroom. I'll take her home when I'm off work.
she cut her forehead open playing a drunken game of pin the tail on the donkey and now she's having a panic attack.
i could've stared at her spine forever man..she was so deep, and she made a drink out of vodka and organic mangoo shit. i will find her and present that goddess with some fucking gummies
you're no longer allowed out of my sight at parties
Obviously. I'm here to let you eat things off my boobs and help you get laid.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude. Stop sending me lines from Hungry Like the Wolf
things were going awesome until jimmy put out a cigarette in the everclear.
'TWAS BUT A GLORIOUS SIGHT. BITCHES.
The girl next to me looks like the young version of sara (bonnie hunt) in jumanji. I wanna be like PLAY THE GAME SARA!!!!"
but seriously, if you see a redhead running down the street tonight in a carrot costume, call 911. He's tripping hard.
Good, I don't think Coke dipped ring pops hold up in the mail anyway.
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