Google if cops ever smoke weeds and then bust them. I need to know immidiately.
no one should ever give us hovercrafts
you'll never guess what i found when i got home...
a cake, in the toilet
A good ear swabbing is more orgasmic than sex with him
In other words, he somehow found his way to my apartment, wasted, and was naked on my new couch. Completely naked. It was too special to pass up.
And then we were riding the keg in the pool like an 8 second rodeo...naked.
Any time you've had a failed relationship, I blast No Sex for Ben by The Rapture and dance around my room. I wish I was joking.
getting busted for public urination is like, a step above j-walking. you'll be fine
She's going to be the first to die of too much illness. Not even super bad stuff like cancer but like for having a cold at the same time as a sore throat and chlamydia or something. Just too much diseases.
The port-o-potty that I peed in last night didn't actually have a toilet in it. And i never told anyone until this moment.
I was jerking him off and in two seconds he went from "oh yeah that feels good" to "what day is Thanksgiving again?" and then back again. Like wtf.
You would be proud of me, I did not take a dab at work today.
Its like people have to train for months before they try and drink with us and survive...
This is very awkward but where is my dildo, Mom
You where banging on the wall asking us where we hid the door...you then crawled under the deck thinking you'd be safe. I told you to eat the nachos before the party...I told you.....
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