I just foul balled at work. I had taken off my coat too… had to go to the sink wash my hands then go back to the stall and pick up my coat. I hope the guy shitting in the stall next to me didn’t figure out what happened.
He told me he finished so fast because he's a sprinter. I hate athletes who are really just pussies.
All I know is for some reason I was sitting naked in the hallway playing an invisible ukulele singing somewhere over the rainbow. I wonder why security came.
I'll bring the barf blanket just in case.
i noticed he has a cardboard window on his car and he told me he locked his keys in his car and had to break in...this only makes him more appealing
I went to grab his drink and my hand grazed his dick. It was magical.
Bjs on a first date are the gateway to getting to know someone for who they really are.
When I left you, you were walking into a room with a half naked girl. When I returned 2 minutes later, you were locked out of the room naked and she was screaming obscenities from inside. How do you manage to make every girl hat you?
You insisted we put glow sticks on you so that we didn't lose you if you went pee in the dark.
My hickies are dark enough that I can feel drivers judging me from across an intersection
THIS IS WHY I WENT TO SCHOOL FOR TO BE A COSMETOLOGIST TO HELP MY EX BOYFRIENDS CURRENT GIRLFRIEND BE MILDLY ATTRACTIVE... Everything DOES happen for a reason
I don't know. I wanna do you but I also want a cheeseburger.
I don't know where you went, but if you're anywhere near the liquor, pour me another drink
Oh don't mind my cushion, I got plowed in the ass by a freight train last night
Am i obligated to tell my sister her girlfriend was my one night stand three months ago?
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