I just accidently deleted 60 gigs of porn from my external hard drive. Thats over 300 pornos! I think im gonna cry.
Im surprised that you are even able to text me right now.
the guy that filmed erin andrews naked got 27 months in jail. Every man that's seen it should send him cigs and a nail file baked in a cake. We owe it to him.
why did your cousin post "out tonight" on facebook? doesn't he know it's only 1 in the afternoon?
shhh don't tell him. it's cloudy out and none of his clocks work
he offered to walk down from the bar this morning to my house and bring me a guinness...
how romantic. its the irish mans version of flowers
I've realized that my life is in no way structured to be compatible with monogamy. I'm not adjusting to this well.
how many dildos make it a "collection?"
It's gay pride weekend and Father's day.. So in honor of the occassions I am now BI
So. How about you can get tequila certified...
So glad the long weekend is over so I can bring this bender to a merciful end.
I told the person I was on the phone with to hold on while I looked for my phone. I think it's time to stop doing dabs.
Back at condo with chick. What is the condom situation urgent response needed
We need some Captain and Fanta. That shit will change your life. Sidenote, bring an IV drip to hook me to in the morning
High. As. Fuck. I thought the kid next to me didn't have an arm for like 2 hours.
Hahahaha I'm glad you woke me up with this text.
I can’t tonight. I’ve got to see about a penis
I wish I got tanner on friday but I feel like I spent most of my time puking in the bathroom. I love my life
Randomize
