can we please move this conversation out of my vagina?
Sorry I never got back to you. I got high. I know it sounds like a commercial or something... but its true
So this shipmate of mine somehow managed to throw up in his back pocket.
And i generally try not to roofie people when I'm in a committed relationship.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she tossed me in the back of the car and said "god gave u the gift of life and I wanna swallow it"
after we had sex he told me his original plan was to have sex with my roommate but his buddy likes her so i was backup
She was giving me that "well this is awkward since you drunkedly tried to hook up with me" look.
At some point i could of swore that you were in my bedroom riding a manatee last night..... I like my new dealer
I met this girl the other day and found out her boyfriend is a helicopter pilot. How the fuck do you compete with that.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The guy I woke up with is wearing the same nailpolish as me...I need to stop drinking
So do you want to hear how I got the hickey first, or how I got the black eye?
You kept trying to make cocktails with my protein powder last night...
Having Father’s Day on Pride weekend is always so awkward. “Hey dad just calling to say I love you.” While I’m navigating my way through a pop up pool at a bar riding a penis floatie. Happy Father’s Day.
We did blind alcohol taste testing and she got 10 of 10. I'm in love.
They told him he could only pay in monopoly money and he pulls out a wad of it from his pocket... i think im in love
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