Is it bad that my booty call's snoring was more interesting than the sex we had last night?
all we need is a web designer
and a bunch of prostitutes
I convinced her last night that my actual nickname was "No Condom John"
I'm soaked in beer, and I think blood. Why did we think we could tap a keg with a hammer?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Which is worse rug burn on your nipples or laying there after wondering how long you have to cuddle before you can sneak away?
The lady sitting right behind me on the bus has baby birds in her purse. Shes feeding them bugs from a cup with a pair of tweezers... I love san francisco!
If you're wearing dry underwear your day is already better than mine.
We met a guy named Raymond. You called him ramen all might and told him you would eat him up, "like sex, on a budget."
came home to a trail of roses from the door halfway up the stairs. but my nonsingle roommate lives downstairs. idk if they celebrated on the stairs or if some girl tried to woo me last night and i don't remember
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
WHY DID I INFORM THE ENTIRE BATHROOM I DONT HAVE AN STD?!?!?!!
I woke up this morning to find a stuffed animal submerged in the toilet. I'm not entirely sure if it was the cat or Kara.
You are one of my favorite baseball you have fun today
I just wrote a love letter to my weed and texted it to my cousin. I can't say it any differently. It happened.
okay, but you can't tell anyone. Every time he instagrams something with the caption "avocado," it means he's booty calling me. Happy?
Soon to be ex is nowhere to be found. Her attorney/new BF just showed up. 30 minutes late looking hungover. Pretty sure I'm getting the kids AND the house!
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