it was the least impressive dick i've ever seen... and i've changed babies' diapers.
I just spent the last 30 minutes shaving my asshole.
You supply the liquor and I'll "accidently" forget my bathing suit.
Deal!
Sharpest. Poop. Ever.
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I just talked to a CEO of a fortune 500 company while pooping. I LOVE being self employed.
Too late, the blunt's already in my cleavage
I've really got to stop smuggling half full bottles of beer out of bars in my purse.
Whoever owns the butter that i always steal out of the office fridge definitely put THC butter in there this time. Shit just got real.
If his smile makes you freak out and drop things imagine what his penis could do
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When we were texting for those few weeks, I some how established a crush on you. And its weird and wild and stupid and silly. But these things just have to be said sometimes to determine what's real and what is infatuation. And to suffer the consequences of five am drunk philosophy. No regrets.
Look, you don't know disfunction until you've sat on the john taking a shit and crying while totally sober.
I just paid my school fees like a real adult who doesn't get accidentally drunk on a Tuesday night
Its only once in a life time you get to pick your vcard swiper up from jail
Basically we had a threesome in one room and a fivesome in the next room. Its what I like to call a win win situation.
He’s basically a sexual superhero. A mild mannered marketing intern by day, but a very horny 22 year old with pornstar stamina at nights!
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