a queef is a wish your heart makes.
Is it gay to rub my penis between my butt cheeks and pretend that they're tits?
Wow! You need to get laid.
Im so hungover that my 6 year old cousine made me aspirine and coffee out of playdoh...
I need a secretary to manage my drinking schedule.
mom and dad googled us on the weekend. i love the internet less than i did on friday.
i woke up with toilet paper straight tucked up in my underwear wearing a pizza sauce mustach. I dont think i got laid last night.
While drunk it seemed like a good idea to barricade my roommate in his room with everything that we could move in our apartment, waking up to him screaming from it collapsing on top of him was just an added bonus.
I think I should receive an honorary Heisman... I mean, I did sleep with two of the finalists
i feel like pizza bites are my only friend right now
low point in my life last night. licked pizza grease off my iphone screen..
He says I vaguely mumbled happy New year, kissed him, threw up and then went back to sleep.
sorry I blacked out our whole relationship
If more people understood that brunch is at 3pm the world would be a better place because you don't have to wake up early. Breakfast food is important
Was it your intent last night to burn the house down? With a waffle..
wow bdsm is so cute
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