I think tonya harding is in my dwi class!
Ask her how she and Jeff Gillooly split the cats after the divorce.
I just saw a girl play flip cup with only her tongue
I'm in love
At this point, I would light birthday candles in my vagina for free drinks
your idea of a balenced meal is a microwave frozen burrito, a cup of ramen noodles, and a can of budlight. honestly tell me how your resolution is to lose weight,
i jus got home and totaly forgot i had nut all over the back of my shirt
..im mad u rememberd about that
why is there a handicap sign in the bathtub and an exit sign in the kitchen?
lets deal with that after we figure out where i am
...She just said, "We've been blessed with good drugs lately."
In the middle of having sex with me, she reminded me that I was supposed to call my mom that morning. My penis has never retracted so quickly.
Jumped in the kebab van and said he was Ultimate MasterChef. Incurred wrath of six angry Turks. I got free chips.
You said that my dog would "complete your puzzle" then you got naked and took it behind the bar
I had to make out with him. He bought me a few drinks and he was an Angels fan. As a Yankee fan that was my way of saying good game and sorry we beat the shit out of you
I also love beards. The playoffs are like christmas for my vagina.
Would "deck the halls with penises " be an appropriate event title? I know peni is the plural but flow of the tongue as well
If they could bottle a hangover it would taste exactly like lemon lime Gatorade and failed hopes and dreams
I've been sleeping with the same person for about two months now, I think I know a little bit about stability and commitment.
Randomize
