Shes cool when Im fuckin smashed.....Sober.....She suuuuuuuuuuucks
Banging your ex-girlfriends best friend 3 days after you break up is like saying "fuck you" with feeling. I wouldnt have it any other way.
I cant watch the real world now after jersey shore. its like trying to go back to vagina once uve had anal
Just farted cum and thought I shit myself. Crisis averted tho
this may be my drink champagne alone in a bbaby pool in the dark night
obviously my window is still shattered. they're pressure washing my condo today. i think i need a bloody mary.
I just debated creating a mirror system so I could play Batman while in the bathroom. I think I need help.
I already knew that. But I also don't agree with stifling creativity.
the parade is in 5 days. put your big boy pants on and come to beer training. time to build your tolerance. i can't have you passing out in a bush with a cape on again this year.
I'm calling it the Friendlationship with Benefits Zone.
I have a new favorite bar game. It's called, get dressed up and go drinking alone then make up random stories of why you are alone to look less like an alc
do u know what happened to the bottles last night?
apparently we hid them.... i google mapped the location into my phone
Can I borrow you for, like, thirty minutes so you can lay on one boob and rub the other until I fall asleep?
This popcorn tastes like salt and regret. It reminds me of the first blowjob I ever gave.
You've ruined popcorn for me.
I have found random beers stashed in my purse and microwave... Apparently I thought 2015 was gonna have a beer shortage
I wanna get to the point where I can just send a question mark and get an exclamation point in response
Randomize
