girl you didnt miss much. except me passing out for 3 hours AT JOBBIE NOONER on some random's boat. i was topless, then completely naked. heard girls were throwing ice cubes at me. i was useless. remember nothing.
Come to me. Jacob is confessing his love and all I want is a hot dog. With chili. Not love.
She said she liked strap-ons.
SHE WAS TALKING ABOUT SHOES, YOU ASSHOLE! YOU'RE THE WORST WINGMAN EVER!
Why does every bad decision I make wind up having 1000 likes on YouTube?
Send me one of your boob pics as an example. I mean this in the straightest least lesbian way possible.
she's an english major so her sexts are something i look forward to
My roommate just caught me cleaning a tostitos queso jar with my hand and eating it. He didn't judge. Bonding moment.
The whole time we were hanging out my vagina was yelling at me like its a real live penis that wants to have sex with us what are you doing
Definitely had a dick in my ass while watching the Seahawks win. Best NFC Championship game ever.
Did I hit my head yesterday? I have a bump on the back of it. Also I just want you to know that I don't blame you for me taking my bikini top off. If I want to be shirtless no man or woman on this earth can stop me.
Was he a virgin!? DID YOU TAKE A GUY'S VIRGINITY ON MY FLOOR!?
Can I just buy you sex toys as a wedding gift? Bc I’m here for that and you
I'll give you some leg action but I'm not showing you anything else until your penis admits it loves me
All I could think about was how many vaginas had been on the toliet that I was pukin in
And by "sexually intimate," you mean fuck buddies?
Randomize
