got extra credit for showing up to class before a holiday. it hit me 5 minutes later that she meant easter....
It's the only time I've ever felt manly shitting myself
Ya well here is the deal with last night, it was the Biggest shit show we have ever co-stared in.
The US State Dept doesn't need to know I'm a high strung drunken whore.
what's the proper way to say, "I'm sorry for puking on you and your bed mid hook up then going downstairs and fucking your roommate because you locked me out of your room completely naked...?"
Be quiet or buzz aldrin will come beat you up with science
Do not, I repeat, DO NOT uncuff him no matter how much he begs. He knows what he did.
I'm eating go-gurt and drinking beer alone in the dark. This is why you shouldn't marry young.
Maybe? I'm not shaving my pubes for a maybe type of night.
DIBS on your mom for my beer pong partner.
I'm sorry, I'm tired, I can't play long distance cockblock anymore. Good night don't get too pregnant.
I'll seduce him with my charm, after all, I am a graceful swan.
More like a demented cow.
she crawled a good forty meters just to whisper in my ear... "dildon't"
It’s a dick. Seen one, seen em all. Unless it spews a fountain of tequila, I don’t need to see yours.
Don’t get me wrong—I love silver and bracelets—but handcuffs are not a good look on me…
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