well my last 2 orgasms were over shoe sales at macy's. what does that tell you?
I was worried if he didn't show me his penis, he would kill himself
take the plastic off of my new air freshener and i'm not going to eat you out for a month.
I mean I found and stalk his moms facebook.. that obsessed.
he busted in while i was showering looked at me and said "youve lost weight bro, no homo" and started puking into the sink
She is a social worker. An actual good person trying to save the world. I feel like every time I give her an orgasm God wipes a little smudge off of my shit list.
Wasted on the beach. There's children everywhere. A six year old girl even stood over me with her hands on her waist looking down on me as I was passing out by the water
Dude sorry but it totally wasn't worth going back in there for yous shoes
dude when I get home wanna help me fulfill my dream of smoking a bowl out of my saxophone?
I walked in and all four of you were covering your heads under the blanket singing waterslides in unison.
All I know is you walked out of the kitchen in some kind of French onion dip bra and started passing out individual chips to guys saying " do you dip?"
I knew it was going to be good when he took off my bra and I only realized 5 minutes later
I'm pretty sure "good advice you would give to a freshman for achieving success" isn't constituted by introducing them to your addy dealer...
it is my civic duty to ensure the success of our youth.
i told him the only way i'd fuck him was if he saved me during the zombie apocolypse and took me to a tastefully decorated yet impenetrable hideout.
I woke up with an eye patch on, someone else's sweatshirt on, and no pants on. I hope it was a good night.
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