When I masturbate I pretend my dick is the slap chop an I'm destroying vegtables. Do you think that's a eating disorder?
you didnt have any toilet paper so I just took a shower
Every night before bed, when I used to say prayers, now I just think to myself 'freshman sluts. Soon'
my hippie aunt just sent me some brownies with a note saying not to eat them under any circumstances until finals are over. excited.
my mom just found my flavored lube in the basement. she gave me a lecture about how "giving head is degrading" omg i feel sooooo bad for my dad
Just had to throw up on the floor of my car during traffic on the way to work. Car next to me saw both times. Found the downside to having a job right after graduation.
She shit all over my seat. She is not allowed in my car under any circumstances. Not even with drugs. You can't forgive a shit.
Currently hiding in the shower from the RA and my elbow turns it on. Showers and Ciroc don't mix..
I traded him cumming in my face for a year for a Disney annual pass. One giant leap back for feminism, one small step for the adult child Disney fan.
idk how I feel so profoundly understood by someone whose latest tweet is "labia majora's mask." but I do.
Yeeah, I think a threesome is one of those wedding presents you can't register for at Bed Bath And Beyond..
So I told him "To answer your question yes I am naked making pizza pops in your kitchen"
I love you, and I just washed my hair in my work sink with handsoap.
wasn't that the evening we made out with the girls from the dental school, drank 3000 beers, almost had to beat up a guy at the strip club and James nailed some hot piece of tail and took her OSU windbreaker, which my dad went on to wear multiple times after finding it in the garage.
Yes. To all of that. Yes.
So i've noticed that drunk me erases sent messages to hide them from sober me, because drunk me knows that sober me will be PISSED at drunk me.
Randomize
