I bought a boat. Want to have sex on The Angry Clam? That's what I named it.
insurance, jail, and birth control were made for people like us.
I woke up with my left arm looking like it got mauled by a lion. Oo and she said someone broke her car window.
Just realized these events may be related.
i know this sounds kinda weird but his cock smelled like fabric softener. it was so refreshing.
As much as I'm all for laying on his living room couch, watching spongebob and having spoon sex, it's becoming a routine.
it was either a really good one night stand or a really really good first date. thank you online dating
I JUST SAW A SIGN LANGUAGE CATFIGHT
Single person behavior: I wanted a cookie but was too lazy to make or go buy any, so I let cookie dough ice cream melt and ate all the chunks. Pantsless.
Nothing says "welcome to Denver" like a hot 18 year old giving you directions to the dispensary and ending up blowing you in the backseat
You ran down the alley towards a stranger screaming "you took my beer".... Then proceeded to run into a garage, fall down, and scream about how your shirt makes you look fat.
No, just kidding. But your faith in me to throw a lesbian bridal shower makes me think I an pull it off. To the LGBT bar!
btw my ex came by last night and saw the pregnancy test intructions. awkwarrrrd.......
i woke up with 5 inch heels locked on my feet and my car keys missing. this is gonna be an interesting walk home
About to throw up, bathroom line up, Bro sees me. Yells, 'PUKER GET OUT OF WAY' THEY ALL PARTED WAY THREW ME INTO A STALL AND CHEERED AS I THREW UP INTO THE TOILET. we are going back
I deserve this hangover.
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