I'm going to let the use of the word "hella" slide considering I have sperm older than you.
He just asked me if I ever had the urge to put a zucchini in my ass.
we may have ended up at a gay bar on accident. we're gonna work this to get free drinks.
So if we break up over this are you still gonna come over and do my dishes?
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You came out of the bathroom, said "I'M DRUNK BUT I REMEMBERED TO WASH MY HANDS!" and then insisted that she smell them.
He poured the shots. We did them together. I cheersd him out of the shower
we didn't have anything to do and wanted to get our money's worth out of our costumes, so if you see two mermaids day drinking by the creek it's us
Peeing off the roof of a motel lighting a cigar with matches and speaking fluent spanish with a chilen exchange student...how do iget into these situations?
i dont know how he's 22 and thinks emoticons will get him laid. lady boner just died.
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You are going to come home to a suitcase in the fridge. Just go with it.
You partied and then got cock slapped, Don't tell me you didn't have fun
Is it weird that my ex and the dude I'm talking to now both only have one testicle? Apparently I've found my type..
Today's hangover is brought to us by Sailor Jerry's and your dedication to my alcoholism.
Just letting you know that I just spent 11 dollars on a car wash... Because you had sex in my car.
so we’ve decided to fuck for our own health
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