you tried to do a keg stand and ended up flipping over it and onto the table
My cousin just asked what abortion is. Happy Holidays.
Is there a nice way to say "I like you, but I hate your dick?"
i want you to know that after i type the word "your" , vagina is next on my auto correct text
I enjoyed our heart to heart in the trunk on the way to the stripclub
i think i left a case of beer in your dryer
Maybe it's the vicodin, but all I wanna do is hunt wild hogs.
High as shit. I just described caramel syrup on crackers to my mom for 15 minutes...
He's hot though. It's not like he JUST got out of prison. That was like months ago
You know you went through something intense when you actuallu applaud yourself for not shitting your pants
Tim is a child that you physically can't love because he makes it hard for you to even find anything redeeming about him so you debate leaving him forever at the gas station.
Did you really eat 10 ice cream cones today?
It was tough but I powered through it.
Whelp, I woke up on the front lawn this morning. I have got to stop wearing these underwear. Every time I do, I end up puking in someone's greenery.
Sorry, I didn't know he was with you. The ongoing collapse of Trump has me horny as hell.
I refuse to fake an orgasm. If I'm dating him, he better work for that shit.
Randomize
