..now you can marry chaz and be in cher's family..
yeah n i dont have to pretend to be into chicks to do it now...
Im gonna name my vag after egypt, "the valley of kings"
our school mascot just walked into class and threw condoms everywhere. welcome to college
I just woke up at my desk with "To Whommmmmmmmm" typed on a letter. I have no memory of waking up, getting dressed or driving in.
The girl in the white might have stds. I'm strangely okay with this.
Mystery solved: The table is broken because I had sex on it last night.
you seemed to enjoy falling down hill
wow, never heard the last few months of my life put so succint
I BIT YOU IN THE DINING ROOM. I bit you and you crunched
Using our apartments online floor/space planner to see how many beer pong tables we can fit. Dont think they had this in mind when they put this thing online.
Probably not lol but were fitting as many as possible
You were stoned out of your mind. We were eating cold cuts and you wouldn't shut up about how it was the wettest meat you'd ever felt in your life.
Considering the fact that everyone took the wrong jacket from that party, should we casually try to return the chalice and soccer ball we stole from last night?
The last thing I remember was wearing a sombrero and trying to do cartwheels in the club
You did one successfully. Then smashed into the wall
I just found out my younger brother has me saved in his contacts as "Womb Primer" and I don't know what to do with this information
Guys I ate pizza off the fucking ground of the cab. I am the worst type of person
Last night when we were having sex he put the condom on backwards the first time. While he was putting the second one on I blew up the first one, made it into a balloon and hit him in the head with it. I think we're over the honeymoon stage.
Randomize
