12 pack with dinner. Living by yourself is awesome.
I often get tempted to walk up to her drunk ass and say, "shouldn't you be taking care of your kid?"
she always made me post sex PB&Js it was like fucking a trashier Martha Stewart
We videoed ourselves having sex... I now know why I close my eyes during sex
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I thought we agreed, no more super glueing action figures to my dick
Um I just overheard that the new guy spent a month in jail. Obvi another great hire.
Clearly I understand physics better when I'm on cocaine
Not exactly sure why you felt the need to get the halloween decorations out. But waking up to 7 carved pumpkins really scares the shit out of you.
did i call you last night crying about tacos and the royal wedding again?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
totally worth getting kicked out for trying to throw my drink on lindsay lohans ankle bracelet.
Yeah well I used to see how many bud lights I could slam down during the pledge of allegiance, my record was 4, but I could do better now.
Its not gay if you're best friends and there's less than an inch of dick in the picture. That's where the line is drawn
Just made out with a girl I dated in high school, and she told me her girlfriend likes me. I like where this is going.
She brought me back a blanket from Mexico, then we had sex on it
"I'm pretty sure all our toasts were to Ben Afflecks penis last night."
Randomize