All of his creepy stalker friends want you too
are you wasted or are you getting laid?
ebdebdebdebd
wow
Woke up wearing just a scarf, the holidays are definetly here
what if his mom answers? its like high school, but hes 30
Next time when I try to seductively eat onion rings while drunk remind me of tonight.
The ice cream man just told me to use protection.
I wish you could see how much hot sauce and broken glass are in our apartment right now.
I was thinking about getting her an edible arrangement for an engagement gift. You want in?
I'm buying her a drink and not telling her to dump his ass. that's my gift.
Just think of your bundle of joy thats on its way. And how hes gunna rip your vagina apart
Die.
I woke up in a toga after going to a Hawaiian party. I don't even know.
I'm so cold without your freakishly high body temperature
that's the equivalent to a normal girlfriends. 'I miss you' btw
I woke up to both of you drawing on me in sharpie, unless a glorious threesome was had the night before that is not okay.
Who says it wasn't?
You told me you were trying to learn all the MLB ballparks while you waited for your porn to load.
He had a tattoo of the Batman logo around his asshole. I noped right the hell out of there.
she was all excited about us being eskimo sisters and then i was just like "alyssa i've literally been inside of you" and she got even more excited
Randomize
