I'm surprised I didn't puke tonight
I just crawled out of a second story window using a sheet and his clothes for a rope so he wouldn't wake up.
I am so glad I watched Macgyver as a kid.
Did you put 9lbs of birdseed all over my car?
You weighed it?
planned parenthood is perfect for picking up chicks...they all put out
Had to use Google translator to be able to tell the cleaning lady not to throw away the condoms we have strategically placed throughout the house.
Awesome morning. I just met my boyfriend's wife, should I have shaken her hand or was the hug a tad over the top?
He was very impressed that you could put your hair in a ponytail by yourself while throwing up.
I feel like I'm taking part in a surprise porno. At least my hair looked good.
pregamed for the floor meeting. so stoned. i keep thinking my RA is shrinking.
Btw after this weekend the chipndales costume has a 125% success rate.
do you know how hard it is to bring up the "what do I do if you conk out while we're fucking" conversation while maintaining the dignity of.the narcaleptic girl you just met?
Pretty sure the shower sex fucked up my hip alignment... im walking like im 104 today
I ate shrooms on a frozen river in an ice fishing shack after a day of vics and beer and walked around on the river in a stupor. They made me bite the head off of a fish.
You drunk? Cause I have a terrible idea...
Recliner chair sex has moments of worry....just don't.
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