My room smells like vodka and shame
Is it just me or do I always seem to have cum in my bellybutton?
The walk of shame isn't so shameful when you do it in a stolen, autographed Favre jersey.
just got carried INTO the bar by 4 people. it's like watching my weekend in reverse.
dude, apparently i tried to force feed my grandma bananas last night.
gladiator or hannah montana?
This is why I never have to ask who you are when I get a new phone.
What are you doing? Because if it happens to be drinking, or even any activity that rhymes with "drinking", I'll be over in 5.
The fire department told the police that I was inside the burning building trying to pee in the rest of the electrical Outlets. Booyaka.
No work today. I woke up and someone had written "Markhot Penis = Party" on my forehead in sharpie. Do you know a Mark?
I just did the walk of shame..with a blanket and a cup that says i will out drink all you bitches. This was not how i pictured 25.
Like people might wonder why I put up with your puns. You give good head and play with my hair
I'm hungover and eating lunch at an elementary school. The children are barking. Litrealy barking, like dogs.
I just had a flashback to me puking and you telling me it was okay because my boobs still looked awesome.
Can I make sure all my sluttiness goes to you when I die? You're the only person I know who'll make use of it
Wait, I'm confused. I EMPTIED the bottle? as in consumed it? I'm impressed with myself.
Randomize
