Awww my brother is growing up soo fast!! He just gave me the, "I know you're high but I won't tell mom n dad" look!
am i the only one who has tried sucking their own cock????
I just had the ultimate walk of shame. I'm barefoot, in his gym short with vomit in my hair and I walked half a mile through campus. At noon. Thanks for picking up ur phone
Omg. It looks like a crack pipe exploded in your mouth.
Sarah Palin is going to have a show on the discovery channel...Can I get a moment of silence for knowledge?
So, i took all the condoms from his nightstand, not in the crazy ex way, but in the I paid for them way.
my life has come down to walking through campus and wondering if every guy is the random i made out with saturday
If you hook up with your cousin you will permanently be my favorite person ever.
I just tried to eat one of my ear plugs, thinking it was a cheese curl. I need it to be break RIGHT NOW.
The moment you realize you should grow up: you're snorting your fathers percocet script with your old health insurance card, while your parents are on a 10 day cruise in the carribean...
I've been drinking vodka for the last 12 hours at the beach and can't see straight and have awesome hair.
LIFE IS #1 SOMETIMES
Doug will be the one to get my vagina. I don't know when or how but I'm now declaring that it is his. And he better not disappoint.
I've spent hours masturbating before. It's actually my favorite Sunday activity
Sorry I didn’t really get to say goodbye last night I was busy vomiting in your fathers front yard
Complete and utter failure. 100% unsalvageable. I have not failed so hard at a culinary endeavor in YEARS. MY HONOR IS IMPUGNED I HAVE SHAMED MY HOUSE
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