just saw ex-bf. should he be more embarrassed to be a college dropout working at rite aid or should i be because i was buying newports and rembrant?
tie
i have a girlfriend
if you're drunk do you have a girlfriend?
no
they were just spraying pledge on themselves and calling it lemon cologne.
Mom is telling us about the time she drank her own breast milk. Help.
at roughly 3:30am you called me saying you were gonna start a big game of strip twister in politics class and i was your partner.
My building was evacuated who wants to quake and bake
In conversation she brought up that she slept with Tucker Max on the UF football field
If your nipples ruin my wedding photos I will kill you.
Do u remember giving me permission to fuck ur dad and then getting super pissed at me when i said ew?
He fucked me in his tour van, I feel like an official groupie.... Except I don't even listen to his band.
Are we DOING anything for lunch...if sex is involved, let's just be straight forward and stop wasting the first half hour! We just need to get to the point
he was the first penis i touched… i have to go to his shitty bands first gig, i mean come on now
Im sober enough to understand what people are saying but drunk enough to understand its hilarious
He stopped mid sex to say he was sorry that he couldn't make us work.continued. Stopped again to ask if it was crazy that he loved me.
That is not what no strings attached sex is about.
can I CTRL ALT DELETE this universe
Randomize
