I'm gonna do things to you that will make the neighbors want to move.
im returning my roomates shirt with a "i got laid in this" thank you note
i knew it was time to leave when he woke me up only wearing pooh bear oven mitts and holding a plate of thank you pancakes
I vote intervention dinner around 6, make up movie around 7:30ish, then apology drinks all night. Then hangover waffle house in the morning.
Also I'm 95 percent positive we ate food naked together
It makes me really sad that some people start their saturdays running or biking instead of with 3 shots of tequila, a sausage biscuit, freaks & geeks and 2 orgasms.
How about we just fuck in random places all around campus, and skip the boring relationship part?
She's running around the streets punching people and narrating. I don't know whether to laugh or stop her
Which one of you drunk assholes put a parental lock on my cable box last night? More importantly, what's the pin? I'm missing the UK game.
I have fence marks all over my body
No like I actually peed on the treadmill. As it was running
The Vicodin is in the strawberries.
I broke my wrist trying to give him a blow job...
And this is why we can’t have nice things
Sharted again. Stuck in traffic. Fuck
Dude my roommate just peed out the window
Randomize
