I think the phrase "bag of smashed assholes" describes it best
I just found 51 cents in my bed. Did you leave me a tip?
I can't be drunk. Sober yes. Drunk no. Spoonfuls
It smelled like mall pretzels. Of course I investigated.
last night we were having sex and i didn't care if i got off. i was just holding up my hand behind his head so i could look at my new ring. i think he knew.
whatever, you made your decision to be a responsible student and where did it get you? a pushed back exam and no blowjob.
This theraflu would make for a great margarita.
I can make a sudafedarita
Denial and avoidance are my survival strategies for 2013.
Denial, avoidance and beer.
I just used bulldog clips for nipple clamps. Also, a wooden spoon as a paddle. DYI Domination or Ghetto Bondage?
You just said the word 'slut' out loud in your sleep and then made a moaning noise
Home-made laxative recipe: activia yogurt and tequila shots. Any ratio ought to work.
Did you put Dave Matthews band on the playlist? It's really hard to funnel when "Crash Into Me" kicks in.
Yeah then you killed that bottle of Bacardi in under 20 minutes. So much for being an organ donor.
In order to save time, dignity and liver damage, wanna get naked?
Well we can add this to the list of 'where the hell did that bruise come from?'
Randomize
