last night I thought his shirt said yale... but this morning it definitely says old navy.
i'm only drinking out of pineapples from now on.
You screamed, "I am going to fuck this cheeseburger". They all started laughing until you actually started having sex with the cheeseburger.
just stared at ed norton's ass for 26 miles. if there was ever an incentive to run a marathon, that was it. my life is perfect.
i remember you telling me to take a shower, brush my teeth, go get back in bed w her, and "just do what i was born to do." and as soon as i stopped yacking i did just that. you saved my birthday.
Yes I hit her with my car. Yes I gave her a ride home. And yes she gave me her number. What's the problem?
Some girl is sitting topless in the kitchen and having a Skype video chat with some guy. I already like it here.
Nipple rings and loofahs DO NOT mix.
I wore a bathing suit downtown so I didn't have to put on underwear, I obviously don't have my shit together
It is such a beautiful day to not be arrested
I like your optimism Chelsea but I'm not about getting my salad tossed
I'm drunk and he's still weird.
I told the border patrol officer she was smuggling drugs in her ass. I doubt she cheats on me again.
Well when we Get drunk it gets rowdy. We could always attempt self-control. But historically and statistically speaking, we fail at that.
Also you think METH is on the same level of wanting to see the movie cats? We’re gonna unpack that later
Randomize
