Went to bed at 4 in a strangers bed. woke up wearing scrubs, realized i was gonna be late for work so i just wore the same clothes as the day before... i don't have a toothbrush and im pretty sure there is leftover semen in my mouth. at some point i think i was at the beach cuz theres is sand in my underwear. i love newport already.
i was trying to find the best way to say come over and have sex, without saying it.
i think i left my bra at your place
It's still hanging from my ceiling fan. Please let me keep it there.
so, I mean this in the straightest way possible, but don't you ever just feel like you owe Jon Stewart a blowjob...
She said her hobbies include bangin guys on one night stands and then sending them facebook relationship requests the next morning just to freak em out
The waitress just told me I'm asking alot. So far I've asked for a soul, an angel and carbombs
That was nice of you. Thank you for respecting the fact that I got cockblocked by a sophomore last night.
it wasn't sex so much as.....a disastrously uncomfortable sexual experience
I just started talking about my sextoy because I wanted things to be normal again.
But the Super Mario beer pong table is more than appropriate.
I think it's time for a new pick up line. So far my " hey you want to go back to my place, order a pizza and fuck?" Has set me at an all time low downtown 0/4
You partied and then got cock slapped, Don't tell me you didn't have fun
this is the last time i am going to a 7am booty call
I was so high I kept trying to flush the toilet with the light switch
omg girl... i cut your hair last night. tell me it looks okay!? i saw hair on the counter and i said ohhh nooo
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