i wish starbucks made bloody marys
My itunes is telling me i listened to toxic by b spears 108 times last night
cutting back on calories before spring break by only taking shots instead of drinking actual drinks.
the diet of an alcoholic...
I was really excited when he said that condoms didn't fit him, then he added "they fall right off"...
You know when you can feel the alcohol in your toes? That's a great feeling.
For u too. Could be years before u have a finger in ur ass
A little light bondage fun never hurt anybody (erotic asphyxiation excluded). Car batteries attached to reproductive organs have.
Ski vacations are for hooking up with randoms. It's like I don't even know you
If we can put a man on the moon, I'm sure we can turn a pringles can into a bong.
I smell like a skunk, but I'm okay with that.
I'm adopting to save the world from the moral outrage that would be my offspring
You just want me for my pizza coupons and my penis.
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
I wish people could trade lives with me for a day so they could see how much better my life is compared to theirs
And he put his penis in my face and I back handed it away.
Randomize
