Do you remember last night at all? Be honest
I need to look at the pictures on my camera to fill in the gaps.
i finally watched harry potter... a tad unrealistic if you ask me... i mean a ginger kid with 2 friends?
She's in the middle of blacking out but is singing Mariah carey songs. Hitting every note.
After 2 hrs of driving around looking for him, we just found him sleeping in the bed of my truck with the cover closed, cuddling with the spare tire.
HE'S turngign 18teen real soon.k
I kept calling him escargot instead of Estaban..I don't think that was the wisest choice.
Yeah, but she is forever sending my vagina on some sort of mission.
I'm so high. I'm going to need directions to get home.
Would I be crazy if I drove 1,000 miles for some dick? What mile does it become ridiculous?
You need to stop telling people you gained weight over the holidays. You've been fat since July.
Of course that's what I'm wearing. I need to find a beard to mount and ride STAT.
First dip in a brand new jar of Nutella, and my man’s dick are two things I will not fucking share.
You're a problem for me, dick game too good. In the future when I'm with someone I actually wanna to date, now I'm gonna compare.
You said you made a new recipe, but it turned out you just cooked ramen with vodka instead of water.
Woke up at 8am and asked if she had coffee.... She handed me a shot of tequila...
Randomize
